And when he sees me in all, and all in me,
Then I never leave him and he never leaves me.
And he, who in this oneness of love,
Loves me in whatever he sees,
Wherever this man may live,
In truth, he lives in me.
           - Bhagavad Gita, VI:30-31    
Two types of persons are happy in this world.
Those who are completely ignorant and those who are truly wise.
All others are unhappy. - Mahaabhaarat 12.174.33
"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the
thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power
to revoke at any moment."  - Marcus Aurelius
If someone succeeds in provoking you, realize that your mind is complicit in the provocation. - Epictetus
"People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
               - Abraham Lincoln 
"We shall see, in fact, that collapse into disorder accounts for change 
in all its forms." - Robert Atkins, Physical Chemistry, 7th Edition.
To be stupid, selfish and have good health are three requirements for happiness,
though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
                     - Gustave Flaubert
None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who falsely believe they are free. 
                - Goethe
"You cannot acquire experience by making experiments. You cannot create
experience. You must undergo it." - Camus
"When we are born, the world rejoices - but we cry...
when we die, the world cries - but we may be on our way to liberation"
            - Padmasambhava, the Tibetan Book of the Dead
No man can be an atheist when he dreams -- atheists must edit their dreams...

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist,
a woman in the audience stood up and said, 
Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants 
in whom you don't believe? - Quentin Crisp
"Nature teaches more than she preaches. There are no sermons in stones."
                            - John Burroughs - 1912
"No cause, no God, no abstract idea can justify the mass slaughter of
                            - Edward Said
"There's more pressure on a vet to get it right. People say 'It was God's will'
when Granny dies, but they get *angry* when they lose a cow."
                              - Terry Pratchett
The last words spoken by Union General John Sedgewick were, 
"They (the Confederate soldiers) couldn't hit an elephant from this dis..."
The thing about having an elephant in the room is: about a third of people react by saying, “What elephant?” This much we know. Another third say, “But we like the elephant.” And the last third? They’ll say, “The elephant was born and raised in this room; we’ll never get it out through the door now.” Acknowledge. Ideate. Choose. Plan. Act. And just to be thorough, don’t forget to ask the elephant’s opinion. They remember a lot.
"The mark of an immature man is that he wishes to die nobly for a cause -
the mark of maturity is that he wishes to live humbly for one."
"Belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man" - Thomas Paine
Show me a mean dog, I'll show you a mean owner.
There is no conceivable human action which custom has not at one time
justified and at another condemned. -  Joseph Wood Krutch
Patience is also a form of action.
          - Auguste Rodin
Action on the move creates its own route, creates to a very great extent the conditions under which it is to be fulfilled and thus baffles all calculation.
          - Henri Bergson
Wars end, love lasts.
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
          - Bertrand Russell
Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.
Remember, God could only create the world in 6 days
because he didn't have an established user base.
There was a young man who said "Though
It seems that I know that I know.
But what I'd like to see
Is the I that knows me
When I know that I know that I know."
           - Alan Watts
There once was a man who said "Damn,
For it certainly seems that I am
a creature that moves
in determinate grooves,
I'm not even a bus, I'm a tram"
 - Alan Watts
There was a young man who said "God,
I find it exceedingly odd
that a tree as a tree
simply ceases to be
when there's no one around in the quad."

And the answer was...

Young man, your astonishment's odd 
I'm always around in the quad
so the tree as a tree never ceases to be
since observed by yours faithfully, God
 - Alan Watts
Even though Adonai was astute
Assiyah couldn't hold Atzilut
But just when it mattered
The sephiroth shattered
And Yesod emanated Malkuth
  - Alex Gordon-Brander
"If you're naturally kind you attract a lot of people you don't like."
               - William Feather
"The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence that it is not utterly absurd." - Bertrand Russell
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown 
is the belief that one's work is terribly important."
              - Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three
parts dead. - Bertrand Russell
When you're wearing rose-coloured glasses, red flags just look like flags. 
Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult. - Actor Edmond Gween, on his deathbed
< ap> death: the ultimate participation trophy
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in 
sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly 
used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Life is rich. Stay hungry.
"Knowing is half the battle. Explaining it is the other half." - Chris Burch
Not forgiving someone is like eating rat poison
and then waiting for the rat to die.
              - unknown
Going to a Moebius strip joint, and hitting the Klein bottle
               - Ben Fulton
"If imagination is not set to the task of building a creative life, 
it busies itself with weaving a web of inner fears and doubts, 
blame and excuse." - Laurence G. Boldt
In The End We Will Conserve Only What We Love
We Will Love Only What We Understand
We Will Understand Only What We Are Taught
          - Baba Divum
In America everybody is of the opinion that he has no social superiors,
since all men are equal,
but he does not admit that he has no social inferiors. 
         - Bertrand Russell, Unpopular Essays, 1950 
"Who needs satire when you have the social conservatives?" - The Economist
"A conservative is one who wants the rules enforced 
so no one can take his pile the way he got it." 
"We rule with moderate strictness, and in return are satisfied with
moderate obedience..." "We have no rigidities, inexorable rules.  We do
as we think fit, guided a little by the example of the past, but still
more by our present wisdom, and by our clairvoyance to the future."
  - High lamas of Shangri-La, in James Hilton's novel _Lost Horizon_
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce
"This is what makes world politics interesting: two arrogant countries 
battling for supremacy.  Throw in octopus and a timed cooking battle, 
and you could make a show of it." - The Misanthropic Bitch
Those of us who are too smart to engage in politics
are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military. - Clemenceau 
"Compared with the British, who have a marionette-like regularity and dignity as
they drill, and march, and mount guard, these American forces are farcical
chawbacons." - Robertson Davies, "Murthur and Walking Spirits"
"I've started referring to the proposed action against Iraq as Desert Storm 1.1,
since it reminds me of a Microsoft upgrade: it's expensive, most people aren't
sure they want it, and it probably won't work." - Kevin G. Barkes
"...The Bush administration thinks "homeland security" is the
root password to the Constitution." - Declan McCullagh
Dear President Bush:

The Presidential Prayer Team is currently urging us to: "Pray for the President as he seeks wisdom on 
how to legally codify the definition of marriage. Pray that it will be according to Biblical 
principles. With any forces insisting on variant definitions of marriage, pray that God's Word and His 
standards will be honored by our government."

Any religious person believes prayer should be balanced by action. So here, in support of the Prayer 
Team's admirable goals, is a proposed Constitutional Amendment to codify marriage on biblical 

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. 
(Gen29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines, in addition to his wife or wives. (II 
Sam5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she 
shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)

D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; 

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any State, nor any 
state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry 
his brother's widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe. 
(Gen.38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope, where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!
Pre-emptive war is terrorism.
In war, truth is the first casualty. - U. Thant
The war on terrorism promotes the heroism of cowardice.
"'The United States made us do it' cannot be a sufficient or 
acceptable justification for the Government to intrude on a 
fundamental right of Canadians."      - George Radwanski
"Two wrongs may not make a right but a few dozen maybes can make a really."
The California State Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, 
fishermen and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while
in the Yosemite and Mammoth areas. They advise people to wear noise-producing 
devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the 
bear unexpectedly. They also advise carrying pepper spray in case of an 
encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of bear activity and know the 
difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings. Black bear droppings 
are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly bear 
droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray. 
The most successful tyranny is not the one that uses force to assure uniformity 
but the one that removes the awareness of other possibilities, that makes it 
seem inconceivable that other ways are viable, that removes the sense that 
there is an outside. 
           - Allan Bloom, The Closing of the American Mind
"When I was a child I wanted a red bicycle. So I prayed to God for one.
Then I realised that the Lord in His wisdom doesn't work that way.
So I stole one and asked him to forgive me." - Emo Phillips
Q. What's the difference between people who pray in church 
and those who pray in casinos?
A. The ones in the casinos are serious. 
He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself
must pass if he would ever reach heaven; 
for everyone has need to be forgiven. - George Herbert
Just how much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
"So how many women out there think men are pigs?
Gimme a show of tits!"
How many people here are telekinetic? Raise my hand...
"Inquiry is fatal to certainty." -- Will Durant
"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, 
signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, 
those who are cold and are not clothed."
           - Dwight D. Eisenhower 
When we draft young men for a war, we reject the physically unfit, the mentally
inferior, and the morally deficient - leaving them home to reproduce the race
while we send out the finest stock to be killed; this is called "defending
the future of the nation."
                               - Anonymous
"Those who are skilled in combat do not become angered, those who are
skilled at winning do not become afraid. Thus the wise win before they
fight, while the ignorant fight to win." - Zhuge Liang
"You must not fight too often with one enemy, 
or you will teach him all your art of war." - Napoleon Bonaparte
"The worst government is the most moral. One composed of cynics
is often very tolerant and human. But when fanatics are on top,
there is no limit to oppression." - H.L. Mencken
Right now, our government is doing things you think only other governments do.
Did it ever occur to you that nothing occurs to God?
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
   - John Lennon ("Beautiful Boy")
I thought art was a verb, not a noun.
   - Yoko Ono
How can a noun start a verb?
- Alan Watts
"I'm all for perfection, as long as it doesn't take more than eight
weeks, because then it's a bore."  - John Lennon
"And what about these guys who say to you, 'Are they keepin' ya busy?'
I happen to resent even the assumption that there are people who have
the authority to keep me busy." - George Carlin. 
Shermer's Last Law: Any sufficiently advanced extraterrestrial intelligence 
is indistinguishable from God.
"Any sufficantly advanced understanding of cause and effect is
indistinguishable from time travel."
correlation is not causation
"The right of each sentient species to live in accordance with its normal 
cultural evolution is considered sacred, and no Star Fleet personnel may
interfere with the healthy development of alien life and culture."
               - The Federation Star Fleet "Prime Directive"
"Back in those glory days, I was very uncomfortable when they asked us to
say things we didn't want to say and deny other things. Some people asked,
you know, were you alone out there? We never gave the real answer, and yet
we see things out there, strange things, but we know what we saw out
there. And we couldn't really say anything. The bosses were really afraid
of this, they were afraid of the War of the Worlds type stuff, and about
panic in the streets. So we had to keep quiet. And now we only see these
things in our nightmares or maybe in the movies, and some of them are
pretty close to being the truth."
             - Senator John Glenn
               (quoted from the NBC TV show "Frasier")
It takes two to tell the truth: one to speak and one to hear.
In a time of universal deceit,
telling the truth is a revolutionary act. - George Orwell
It's useless to try to hold some people to anything they say while 
they're madly in love, drunk, or running for office.
"Reading your profile is like watching an adorable pink bunny read Finnegans Wake on a trampoline."
Education means knowing when to say someone is staggering drunk or staggeringly drunk.
"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."
      - Robin Williams
"I won't say he's untruthful, but his wife has to call the dog for dinner."
I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats.
I tell them the truth and they never believe me.
           - Camillo Di Cavour 
"He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot.
He that dare not is a slave." - Andrew Carnegie
"Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?"
              - Gal. 4:16
"Art is a lie that tells the truth" - Picasso
"There cannot be a crisis next week.
My schedule is already full."
          - Henry Kissinger
The measure of a business is often found not in what it does right, 
but in how well and how quickly it handles matters when things have gone wrong. 
                         - Barbara Mikkelson 
Show business is just like high school, except you get paid. - Martin Mull 
"The Golden Ratio manifests in the whole of creation. Take the ratio of
the length of a man and the height of his navel. The ratio of the sides of
the Great Temple. The ratio between the long and short sides of a
pentagram. Why is this? Because the ratio of the Whole to the Greater is
the ratio of the Greater to the Lesser." - Pythagoras
"Work without hope draws nectar in a sieve,
And hope without an object cannot live" - Coleridge
"Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near 
the earth's surface relative to other such matter; second, telling other 
people to do so."  - Bertrand Russel
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
                   - Krishnamurti
Most people in this society who aren't actively mad are, at best, 
reformed or potential lunatics. - Susan Sontag
In a sick world even the hale are sick.
     - Olaf Stapledon
Blood cannot be washed out with blood.
     - Afghan proverb
"If you seek a definition of a terrorist then it must surely be 
anyone who tries to achieve their goals through terror.
But, having fought in a guerrilla war and witnessed several others first
hand, I guess it runs as follows:
If you kill people I don't like in a place I care about, 
you're a freedom fighter.
If you kill people I don't know in a place I don't care about,
you're a guerrilla.
If you kill people I like in a place near me, 
you're a terrorist."
             - Anonymous
Equation of war which determines who will win any given contest:
Power = Weapons * Willingness to use them
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety."
    - Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759.
"I think that many of the problems we have come from a too narrow
scientific paradigm or model of reality which creates a split between the
mind of educated people and their feelings and experience. This creates a
split in our entire culture which is at the root of our ecological crisis
and the sense of alienation and loss of meaning. I think a more holistic
and inclusive scientific approach will help heal this split and improve
our relations with the natural world around us and each other." 
                               - Rupert Sheldrake
"They do not bear arms, and do not know of them, for I showed them a sword, 
they took it by the edge and cut themselves out of ignorance.
They would make fine servants. With 50 men we could subjugate them all
and make them do whatever we want. Let us in the name of the Holy Trinity
go on sending all the slaves that can be sold." - Christopher Columbus.
The burden of proof lies on him who alleges. That is axiomatic to all
science and rational thought.
All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
100% of people who mix up causation with correlation die.
Most general statements are false, including this one. - Alexander Dumas
Systems Administration: It's an ugly job, but someone said I had to do it. 
                      - SysAdmin Magazine T-Shirt 
The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, 
is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side. - James Baldwin
Class 0 Admin: Able to mimic commands from texts until "something works."
Loosely synonymous with "MCSE" (Must Call Support Everyday).
               - xtal
In spite of whatever some nerd from Redmont told you, in Canada
the "E" in MCSE doesn't stand for "engineer".
It's not just a good idea, it's the law.
(Maybe it really stands for "Must Consult Someone Experienced".)
"It's a good thing you're an engineer. With tact like that, 
you'd make a lousy psychiatrist." 
 - Captain James T. Kirk (William Shatner), Star Trek VII: Generations
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." 
One of the advantages of being Captain is being able to ask for advice
without necessarily having to take it.  
           - Captain James T. Kirk (William Shatner)
"Enough research will tend to support your theory."
        - Timothy F.X. Finnegan [Finnegan's First Fundamental Finding]
"Scientific theories tell us what is possible; 
myths tell us what is desirable. 
Both are needed to guide proper action."
          - John Maynard Smith (Science and myth)
"Why you say you no bunny rabbit when you have little powder-puff tail?" 
                               - The Tasmanian Devil
Aye, but isn't the man who chooses the bad in some way better than the man 
who has the good forced upon him?
           - Alex (A Clockwork Orange)
2 Samuel 12:7, "And Nathan said to David, 'Thou art the man'."
"There was a demon that lived in the air. They said
whoever challenged him would die. Their controls would freeze up,
their planes would buffet wildly, and they would disintegrate. The
demon lived at Mach 1... They called it the sound barrier."
                         - from the movie, The Right Stuff 
"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."
                          - Anais Nin
"It takes courage to push yourself to places that you have never been
before... to test your limits... to break through barriers.  There came a
time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the
risk it took to blossom."  - Anais Nin
"Courage is simply the willingness to be afraid and act anyway." 
                 - Robert Anthony (American psychologist)
"When you consider that the sky starts at your feet,
think how brave we are just to walk around."
Neurotics build castles in the sky, 
psychotics live in them,
and psychiatrists collect the rent. 
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the "Titanic" who waved off the
dessert cart.  - Erma Bombeck
"There is nothing to be learned from History anymore.  We're in science
fiction now."
 - Allen Ginsberg (1927 - 1997)
"It's not brain science, it's rocket surgery."
History is nothing but a collection of fables and useless trifles, 
cluttered up with a mass of unnecessary figures and proper names. - Leo Tolstoy
"Se non e vero, e ben trovato." ("If it isn't true, it's a good story.")
"behind the firewall, everyone's naked" 
A ready means of being cherished by the English is to adopt the simple
expedient of living a long time. I have little doubt that if, say, Oscar Wilde 
had lived into his nineties, instead of dying in his forties, he would have 
been considered a benign, distinguished figure suitable to preside at a school
prize-giving or to instruct and exhort scout masters at their jamborees.
He might even have been knighted. 
        - Malcolm Muggeridge, British journalist, in Esquire magazine, 1961 
A longboat full of Vikings, promoting the new British Museum exhibition, was seen sailing past the Palace of Westminster yesterday (see page 16). Famously uncivilised, destructive and rapacious, with an almost insatiable appetite for rough sex and heavy drinking, the MPs nonetheless looked up for a bit to admire the vessel.
Oscar Wilde: 'Do you mind if I smoke?'
Sarah Bernhardt: 'I don't care if you burn.'
<@dwarf> The nice thing about paper is that in a pinch, you can use it for fuel. 
<@dwarf> Go ahead, try to burn a NetApp. 
From Northrop Frye's _The Educated Imagination_:
"...listening to a speech by a high authority, I know him to be a good
scholar, a dedicated servant of society, and an admirable person. Yet his
speech is a muddy river of cliches. . . . The content of the speech does
not do justice to his mind: what is does reflect is the state of his
literary education. . . . He has never been trained to visualize his
abstractions, to subordinate logic and sequence to the insights of metaphor
and simile, to realize the figures of speech are not ornaments of language,
but the elements of both language and thought. . . . Once again, nothing can
now be done for him: there are no courses in remedial metaphor."
Verbing weirds language.
           - Calvin ("Calvin and Hobbes")
Language is a virus from outer space.
     - William S. Burroughs
To learn English you must begin by thrusting the jaw forward, 
almost clenching the teeth, and practically immobilizing the lips. 
In this way the English produce the series of unpleasant little mews 
of which their language consists.
                    - Jose Ortega y Gasset
English is so awkwardly weird because it's really three languages wearing a trench coat pretending to be one.
"The Universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper"
                - Eden Phillpotts, A Shadow Passes 
Banacek's Eighteenth Polish Proverb: 
The hippo has no sting, but the wise man would rather be sat upon by the bee.
Employees who must walk on eggshells move slowly.
The default Magic Word, "Abracadabra",
actually is a corruption of the Hebrew phrase "ha-Bracha dab'ra" 
which means "pronounce the blessing".
"...and always remember
the last words of my grandfather,
who said 'A truck!'..."
   - Emo Philips
"If you want to know what God thinks of money,
just look at the people He gave it to."
        - Dorothy Parker
Money screams, wealth whispers.
"You cannot drink
the cup of the Lord
and the cup of demons."
    - I Corinthians 10:20-22
Ni bhionn an rath ach mar a mbionn an smacht.
(There is no luck without discipline)
Wizard's First Rule - People are stupid, they will believe anything
if they want it to be true or they fear it is true.
                - Terry Goodkind
I don't kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds. 
I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell 
"Whoa, I'm *way* too high." - Bruce Baum
In the land of the halfwits, the moron is king.
       - Anonymous
"Computer games don't affect kids.  I mean, if Pac Man affected
us as kids, we'd all run around in a darkened room munching
pills and listening to repetitive music."
   - Kristian Wilson, CEO, Nintendo Gaming Corporation, Inc, 1989
Best Fark Headline Ever
Ringo Starr: . I.d like to be . Drawn by Stan Lee . As an action superhero on TV .
Amnesty International are always on about the horrors of torture, 
and then they herd thousands of people into a stadium and make them listen
to Tracy Chapman. - aphyd
"There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and
mountaineering; all the rest are merely games."
                       - E. Hemingway
When you see a good move, look for a better one. - Emanuel Lasker
Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad. - Christina Rossetti
"Some people crave baseball. I find this unfathomable:
however, I do understand how someone could
get excited about playing a bassoon."
               - Frank Zappa
What passion cannot Music raise and quell?
                - Dryden
'Music is a moral law - it gives wings to the mind,
a soul to the universe, flight to the imagination,
a charm to sadness, a life to everything.'
                          - Plato
"Fantasy abandoned by reason produces impossible monsters;
united with her, she is the mother of the arts and the 
origin of their marvels."  - Francisco Goya
"There are only two kinds of artists: the plagiarists and the revolutionaries." 
    - Paul Gauguin
"There are painters who transform the sun into a yellow spot, 
but there are others who, thanks to their art and intelligence, 
transform a yellow spot into the sun." - Pablo Picasso 
Be cheerful while you are alive.
                - Phathotep, 24th Century B.C.
If you love any of your rights, defend all of them.
Mother is the name of God on the lips and hearts of children.
"The greatest thing you can ever learn 
is just to love and to be loved in return."
       - Moulin Rouge
Love is a choice - not simply, or necessarily, a rational choice, but
rather a willingness to be present to others without pretense or guile.
               - Carter Heyward  (theologian)
What you do is of little significance, but it
is very important that you do it. - Gandhi
"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians.
Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." - Gandhi (attrib.)
"First, they ignore you. Then they laugh at you,
Then they fight you. Then you win."  - Gandhi
"How glorious it is - and also how painful - to be an exception."
                      - Alfred de Musset (1810-1857)
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be
normal. - Albert Camus
"We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other
people." - Arthur Schopenhauer
The community stagnates without the impulse of the individual. 
The impulse dies away without the sympathy of the community. 
               - William James (1842 - 1910)
Average behaviour produces average results. Non-conformity is thus
necessary, but not sufficient, if you want exceptional results.
          - Dan Haggarty
"Accessibility is the yellow brick road to mediocrity."
Nil significat qui vibrare non valet.
(It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing.)
          - some Roman dude
Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum.
(A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.)
No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.
             - Albert Einstein
If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. - Albert Einstein 
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
    - Albert Einstein
"It has become appallingly obvious 
that our technology has exceeded our humanity."
           - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
Einstein discovered that time and space are interchangeable
when he showed up three miles late for a meeting.
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
The rule on staying alive as a program manager is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.
"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge 
in the field of truth and knowledge 
is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods." 
                   - Albert Einstein 
"All truth passes through three stages. 
First, it is ridiculed. 
Second, it is violently opposed. 
Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."
           - Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
SRH is the technocultureal equivalent of the SETI@Home project.
"Most sysadmin gigs consist of mopping up after the bleeding edge
whilst propping up the trailing edge."
                           - William Porquet
A most moving and pulse-stirring honor - the heartfelt grope of the hand, 
and the welcome that does not descend from the pale, gray matter of the 
brain but rushes up with the red blood of the heart.
                    - The Begum of Bengal speech, 1907
"It's murder out there. You can't even travel around in your own micro
circuits without permission from 'Master Control Program'. I mean,
sending *ME* down here to play games.... Who does he calculate he is?"
                         - Peter Jurasik as Crom, _Tron_
Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell you
`there's a time for work and a time for play' never find the time for play?
"You can discover more about a person 
in an hour of play 
than in a year of conversation."
         - Plato 
Real computer scientists don't program in assembler. 
They don't write in anything less portable than a number two pencil. 
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
What's the difference between a computer salesman and a used car salesman?
A used car salesman knows when he's lying.
"We're sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please
rotate your set ninety degrees and try again. Thank you."
"There are only 10 types of people in this world:
those who understand binary and those who don't."
              - 0xdeadbeef
"It is unworthy of excellent men to lose hours, like slaves, in
the labors of calculation." - Gottfried Wilhelm Leibnitz (German
mathematician and philosopher, 1646-1716)
In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way. 
          - Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982 
"Oh drat these computers, they're so naughty and so complex.
I could pinch them!" - Marvin the Martian
"I think man is the most interesting insect, don't you?"
              - Marvin the Martian 
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in 
human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. 
                    - Mitch Ratliffe
Anyone who has begun to think places some portion of the world in jeopardy.
                 - John Dewey
Wyatt: "Lisa, you don't understand my parents!"
Lisa: "What's there to understand? They're oppressive, meddlesome,
difficult, demanding, and totally bizarre. I mean, they're normal parents!"
                   - "Weird Science"
The parent code: you are the last person in 
the room with a baby therefore you must stay.
              - Carolyn Eshelman 
Peace rules the day where reason rules the mind.
I must not fear.  Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little death the brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.  I will permit it to pass over me
and through me.  And when it has gone past me I will turn
to see fear's path.  Where the fear has gone there will
be nothing.  Only I will remain.
                   "Bene Geserit litany against fear"
		   Frank Herbert, Dune
*chibidarq* "I must not lag. Lag is the connection killer. Lag is the little
+peer that brings total disconnection. I will face my lag. I will premit it to
+pass over me and through me. And when it is gone past I will turn the inner
+ping to see its traceroute and where the lag has gone there will be
+bandwidth. Only the connection will remain."
"If tears could build a stairway,
And memories, a lane
I would walk right up to heaven,
And bring you home again."
"Suicide is not chosen; 
it happens when pain exceeds the resources for coping with pain."
                        - Anonymous
"Destiny dressed you this morning; 
now Fear is trying to pull off your pants."
            - The Tick
It is by Caffeina alone
that I set my mind in motion.
By the Beans of Java,
my thoughts aquire speed.
The hands aquire the shakes,
the shakes become a warning.
It is by Caffeina alone
that I set my mind in motion...
                - Javacrucian chant, attributed to Isaac Bonewits
"Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing."
Every take-off is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
"Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others."
              - Groucho Marx
[Groucho] "I'm really getting quite a kick out of this notion of playing God
like a dirty old man in Skidoo. You wanna know why? Do you realize that
irreverence and reverence are the same thing?" 
[Paul] "Always?"
[Groucho] "If they're not, then it's a misuse of your power to make people
And right after he said that, his eyes began to tear.
   - Groucho Marx, quoted by Paul Krassner
Nothing says "God loves you" better than a pint of beer and good friends all around you. - old Jesuit saying
Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror,
murder and bloodshed but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and
the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love; they had five
hundred years of democracy and peace and what did they produce? The cuckoo
clock." - Orson Welles (1915-1985)
If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little
of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking,
and from that to incivility and procrastination. - Thomas De Quincey 
People react to fear, not love - they don't teach that in Sunday School, 
but it's true. - Leonardo da Vinci
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push, 
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue. - Leonardo da Vinci
She plunged into a sea of platitudes, and with the powerful breast stroke
of a channel swimmer, made her confident way towards the white cliffs
of the obvious. 
              - W. Somerset Maugham 
"You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks."
                  - stupid platitude
"A new study shows that licking the sweat off a frog can cure
depression. The down side is, the minute you stop licking, the
frog gets depressed again." - Jay Leno
"If you like that sort of thing, it's exactly the sort of
thing you'd like..."
                         - Fnord Bjornberger 
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it,
doesn't go away." - Philip K. Dick
"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."
          - Warning label, Batman costume
"Danger, contains memetic material, do not expose to essive syntagms."
Simians, in general, are about 95-98% genetically identical to humans.
Bonobos (homo sapien's closest genetic relative) are about 99% genetically
identical. Humans are just hairless primates with a wetware upgrade to their 
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion,
butcher a hog, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build
a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders,
co-operate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch
manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die
gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
                - Robert A. Heinlein, _Time Enough for Love_
"Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best, he
is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to dress himself, bathe, and not
make messes in the house."
                           - Robert A. Heinlein
"Humans: Just barely more complicated than a mouse, genetically speaking."
Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.
"The Linux community and Microsoft are a great fit," says Linus
Torvalds, "After all, we both have the same goal, which is total
world domination."
"LINUX is tied fairly closely to the 80x86. Not the way to go."
     - LINUX is obsolete, Andy Tanenbaum, 29 Jan 92. 
"Linux is not portable (uses 386 task switching etc.), and 
it probably never will support any thing other than AT-hard 
disk, as that's all I have. " - Linus Torvalds, August 25, 1991. 
UNIX has a philosophy, it has 25 years of history behind it, 
and most importantly, it has a clean core. 
It strives for something - some kind of beauty. 
And that's really what struck me as a programmer. 
Operating systems that normal home users are used to, such as DOS and Windows, 
didn't have any way of life. Nobody tried to design Windows - 
it just grew in random directions without any kind of thought behind it. 
[...] I don't think Microsoft is evil in itself; 
I just think that they make really crappy operating systems.
                  -Linus Torvalds
07:34 <@CapnDan> A UNIX saleslady, Lenore
07:34 <@CapnDan> enjoys work, but she likes the beach more. 
07:34 <@CapnDan> She found a good way 
07:34 <@CapnDan> to combine work and play: 
07:34 <@CapnDan> She sells C shells by the seashore.
10:11 <@eqhmcow> hehe
11:38 <@fox_1> a bourne salesperson
"Indeed, it would not be an exaggeration to describe the history of the 
computer industry for the past decade as a massive effort to keep up 
with Apple." - Byte Magazine
Real Users never know what they want,
but they always know when your program doesn't deliver it.
Given infinite time, 100 monkeys could type out the complete works of
Shakespeare. Win 98 source code? Eight monkeys, five minutes. - NullGrey
Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.
(John Woods)
Look Good. Rock Hard. Love Monkeys.
            - Bridgitte Tirman
STATE-OF-THE-ART: Any computer you can`t afford.
OBSOLETE: Any computer you own.
As we enjoy great advantages from inventions of others, 
we should be glad of an opportunity to serve others by any invention of ours;
and this we should do freely and generously. -  Benjamin Franklin
Software is like sex. The best is free! - Linus Torvalds
Daniel Dennett used to open a lecture:  "Philosophy is to science as
pornography is to sex: it's cheaper, easier, safer, and some people,
bizarrely, seem to prefer it."
"The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free.
First, society begins by trying to beat you up.
If this fails, they try to poison you. 
If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head."
          - Jean Cocteau (1889-1963)
Good girls blush during bedroom scenes in movies.
Bad girls know they could do better.
			- Kirsty
"In film you will find four basic story lines. Man versus man.
Man versus nature. Nature versus nature, and dog versus vampire."
                              - Steven Spielberg
You can't kiss a girl unexpectedly - only sooner than she thought you would.
Shame goes straight out the window the moment the parkas get packed away 'til 
next winter. It's a Canadian thing, I think... we spend half the year looking 
like variously-coloured marshmallow people, so when the winter duds go away, 
we all of a sudden rediscover the human body. Preferably other humans' bodies.
             -Deb Richardson
"Does the name 'Pavlov' ring a bell?"
"And the faults in bad software can be so subtle as to be practically
                      - Bruce Sterling, _The Hacker Crackdown_
Brooks' Law: "Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later."
"There are two ways of constructing a software design; 
one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, 
and the other way is to make it so complicated that 
there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult."
                     - C. A. R. Hoare
"We use this version because we know all of its bugs.
A new version means new bugs."
                       - Benny Cheung
"Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with the software."
"The creation of genuinely new software has far more in common with developing
a new theory of physics than it does with producing cars or watches on an 
assembly line." - Anonymous
"If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now, 
it's just a spring clean for the May Queen." 
                    - Led Zepplin, "Stairway to Heaven"

SPECIES:	Cranial Males
SUBSPECIES:	The Hacker (homo computatis)
	All clothes have a slightly crumpled look as though they came off
	top of the laundry basket.  Style varies with status.  Hacker
	wear gray polyester slacks, pink or pastel shirts with wide
	and paisley ties; staff wears cinched-up baggy corduroy pants,
	or blue shirts with button-down collars, and penholder in pocket.
	Both managers and staff wear running shoes to work, and a black
	plastic digital watch with calculator.
"There is an almost sensual longing for communion with others who have a 
larger vision. The immense fulfillment of the friendships between those 
engaged in furthering the evolution of consciousness has a quality almost 
impossible to describe."
           - Teilhard de Chardin
Revolutionary crowds are some of the bravest and most generous groups of
people on earth. Nothing is too dangerous for them to attempt, or too precious
for them to share.  - John Simpson
"Contemplate the mangled bodies of your countrymen, and then say, What
should be the reward of such sacrifices?  If ye love wealth better than
liberty, the tranquillity of servitude than the animating contest of freedom
go from us in peace.  Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you.  May
your chains sit lightly upon you."          - Samuel Adams
Peace is also patriotic.
We have enough youth... How about a fountain of smart? - Skoge
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with 
sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
                               - Galileo Galilei
"The notion that a radical is one who hates his country is naive and usually
idiotic. He is, more likely, one who likes his country more than the rest of
us, and is thus more disturbed than the rest of us when he sees it debauched.
He is not a bad citizen turning to crime; he is a good citizen driven to
                   - H.L Mencken, "Prejudices", 1919
Windows will not take human civilization to Mars. 
Someone in the future may download it via interplanetary wireless, 
but it will be delivered by a NeoFuturistBSD server that looks like 
MacOS 23 from a Star Trek computer console. 
"/* * [...] Note that 120 sec is defined in the protocol as the maximum * possible RTT. I guess we'll 
have to use something other than TCP * to talk to the University of Mars. * PAWS allows us longer 
timeouts and large windows, so once implemented * ftp to mars will work nicely. */" (from 
/usr/src/linux/net/inet/tcp.c, concerning RTT [round trip time])
"I don't use Windows unless I need fresh air."
             - malum
If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed...
Oh wait! He does!
                       - Anonymous
"640Kb ought to be enough for anybody." 
               - Bill Gates, 1981

"I wish Bill Gates the best, I really do. I just think he and Microsoft
are a bit narrow. He'd be a broader guy if he had dropped acid once or
gone off to an ashram when he was younger."
              - Steve Jobs, Co-founder of Apple Computers, 1997
not msword! 
it transforms intranodal hairpinning into intranasal harpooning!
"You think it's a conspiracy by the networks to put bad shows on TV. 
But the shows are bad because that's what people want. 
It's not like Windows users don't have any power; 
I think they are happy with Windows, 
and that's an incredibly depressing thought..."
    - Steve Jobs
How do you exorcise a masonic demon?
33 Hours on a stairmaster!
         - Lauriat Lane III
"Some folks need blessing, 
some folks need love, 
some folks need ten pounds of shit from above."
         - Lauriat Lane III
one mans paradigms is another mans two bits
"Windows 95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to
an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor,
written by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."
                         - Rev. Pee Kitty
Windows (or Windoze): Computer operating system used on Earth from circa
1986 C.E. until 2006 when it was ditched in favour of Linux. The main
attribute of Windows was that it had an unbelievable quality of rendering
hardware and software obselete within hours of purchase. It was rumoured
that Windows could consume any quantity of system RAM or storage memory
thrown at it. No version of Windows was ever created that was stable,
bug-free or actually created any economic benefit to any business that
purchased it. Most historians believe that this phenomenon set back the
development of Earth's civilisation by roughly half a century.
"There are no passengers on spaceship earth. We are all crew." 
               - Marshall McLuhan
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
           - John Kenneth Galbraith 
A fool and his money are soon venture capital. 
Economists can certainly disappoint you.
One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. 
Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't. - Robert Orben
"XP looks like its GUI was designed by Fisher Price"
                                - seen on slashdot
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." 
                 - Ken Olson, President, Chairman and Founder
                   of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
This host is actively monitored, and everything is logged. If
you are not legitimately logged in, please be advised that
you will be persued, strung up, and taunted by small feral
Like most computer techie people, I'll happily spend 6 hours trying figure out 
how to do a 3 hour job in 10 minutes.    
       - Rev. James Cort, ASR
Immaculate correction: The spontaneous act of a computer fixing itself 
as soon as a repair person arrives.
A supercomputer is a computer that runs an endless loop in two seconds. 
Windows NT encountered the following error:
The operation was completed successfully. 
If it's there and you can see it - it's real
If it's there and you can't see it - it's transparent
If it's not there and you can see it - it's virtual
If it's not there and you can't see it - it's gone!
I'm not an optical illusion, I just look like one.
If Microsoft Windows is the solution, can we please have the problem back? 
Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. 
Some of the things that live the longest in peoples' memories 
never really happened.
If you can't debug it, deplug it. 
"A good engineer will go to any amount of effort to avoid extra effort."
Never be afraid to try something new. 
Remember that amateurs built the Ark. Skilled people built the Titanic.
Optimists see the glass as half full. Pessimists see the glass as half empty.
Engineers see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
The food that you get in art museums is institutional revenge for the art
that you get in restaurants. 
                   - Anonymous 
From the unpublished Encyclopedia of Scots Cuisine in Two Chapters:
Haggis, n.: An indigenous Scottish animal (monotremata haggisus), a nearly
unclassifiable egg-laying mammal akin to a platypus, superficially resembling
a cross between an emu and a mountain goat. The haggis has one pair of legs 
shorter than the other for stability while grazing the Scottish mountains.
Interestingly enough there are two subspecies of haggises, depending upon which
side the legs are shorter, classified as the clockwise and anticlockwise haggis
(haggisus dextrorotator and levorotator, respectively). It was once thought 
that interbreeding would produce a haggis with equal length legs
(either long or short) suitable for livestock, but the practicalities of
attempting to engage a counter-inclined pair on a craggy mountainside made for
a fruitless and downright dangerous experiment in animal husbandry. The haggis
is commonly considered a keystone delicacy of the nearly entirely edible Scots
cuisine. Rumour has it that bagpipes are so hard to tune because they were 
originally made from mature haggis-skins, and hence one pair of chanters were 
always longer than the other.
( > Gael. "hagiseach", later corrupted to "hacky sack")
                                    - William Porquet
When man calls an animal "vicious", he usually means that it will
attempt to defend itself when he tries to kill it.
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather 
because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. 
"Marijuana leads to homosexuality ... and therefore to AIDS."
                  -US Drug Czar Carlton Turner (1986)
Our current drug crisis is a tragedy born of a phony system
of classification. For reasons that are little more than accidents of
history, we have divided a group of nonfood substances into two
categories: items purchasable for supposed pleasure (such as alcohol), and
illicit drugs. The categories were once reversed. Opiates were legal in
America before the Harrison Narcotics Act of 1914, and members of the
Women's Christian Temperance Union, who campaigned against alcohol during
the day, drank their valued "women's tonics" at night, products laced with
laudanum (tincture of opium). I could abide - though I would still oppose
- our current intransigence if we applied the principle of total
interdiction to all harmful drugs.  But how can we possibly defend our
current policy based on a dichotomy that encourages us to view one class
of substances as a preeminent scourge while the two most dangerous and
life-destroying substances by far, alcohol and tobacco, form a second
class advertised in neon on every street corner of urban America? And why,
moreover, should heroin be viewed with horror while chemical cognates that
are no different from heroin than lemonade is from iced tea perform work
of enormous compassion by relieving the pain of terminal cancer patients
in their last days?
          - Stephen J. Gould, evolutionary biologist,
           Taxonomy as Politics, Dissent, winter 1990, p73
"While at one time I accepted the received wisdom that marijuana
offences were serious crimes, I now am of a different opinion."
                 - Justice Mary Southin, BC Court of Appeal
"I am skeptical that a society that is so tolerant of alcohol and cigarettes 
should come down so hard on marijuana use and send people to prison for life
without parole...  We should not repeal all the drug laws overnight, 
but we should begin with marijuana and see whether the sky falls."  
 - Chief Judge Richard Posner, U.S. Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals
There are 100,000 marijuana smokers in the US, and most are Negroes, Hispanics,
Filipinos and entertainers. Their Satanic music, jazz and swing, result from
marijuana usage. This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations
with Negroes, entertainers and any others.
             - Harry Anslinger, testifying to Congress, 1937
"I got the blues badder than a blind, bald, one-legged man sitting alone
on a Mississippi veranda nursing a three-string guitar, an empty bottle of 
Jack Daniels and a grudge."
Karaoke divides humanity into two groups: those who don't want to sing and shouldn't be compelled, and those who do and shouldn't be allowed.
            - Dennis Vickers, Passing through Paradise
"It is not only vain, but wicked, in a legislator to frame laws in opposition
to the laws of nature, and to arm them with the terrors of death.
This is truly creating crimes in order to punish them."  - Thomas Jefferson
To many, total abstinence is easier than perfect moderation. - St. Augustine
"If sharing and showing solidarity, if fighting corruption, social injustice
and impunity, means belonging to the left, then I am a leftist."
             - Ecuadorean President Lucio Gutierrez
7 Ways of Looking at a Monkey-House
September 29, 2001 e.v.

Just as the War Against Drugs would make some kind of sense if they honestly 
called it a War Against Some Drugs, I regard Dubya's current Kampf as a Wari
Against Some Terrorists. I may remain wed to that horrid heresy until he bombs
CIA headquarters in Langtry.        - Robert Anton Wilson
Family values is a codeword for hating the same people your grandfather did.
    - Robert Anton Wilson
Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there. 
He wasn't there again today - 
I think he's from the CIA.
Hysteria is a chaotic and irrational emotional state caused by seeing
how the world really operates.
   - Robert Anton Wilson, ``The Earth Will Shake,'' p. 124
"There are two major products to come out of Berkeley:  LSD and
UNIX.  We don't believe this to be a coincidence".
             - Anonymous
"Don't drop acid, take it pass-fail!" - Bryan Michael Wendt
"You don't take LSD to expand your consciousness.
You take it to turn your toaster into a home entertainment center."
"LSD is a substance that can cause psychotic reactions in people
that don't take it."
                     - Dr. Timothy F. Leary
To fathom hell or soar angelic, try a pinch of psychedelic. - Humphry Osmond
"Through disrupting the ordinary operation of the communicating
microselves, the fractal nature of consciousness is revealed to
the operator as the cerebral system compensates for the presence
of excessive neurotransmitter-like substances in the synapses by
rerouting signals through nonhabitual pathways."
                                    - Dr. Timothy F. Leary
                                      Design for Dying, 1997
"You can't control the chaos, but you can _surf_ it".
                            - Dr. Timothy F. Leary
"Only a child sees things with perfect clarity, because it hasn't developed 
all those filters which prevent us from seeing things that we don't expect 
to see."  - Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency 
In the Sixties people took LSD to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird, people take Prozac to make it normal.
Your free psychic reading for today:

"You have a great need for other people to like you and admire you. You
have a tendency to be critical of yourself. You have a great deal of
unused capacity which you have not turned to your advantage. While you
have some personality weaknesses, you are generally able to compensate for
them. Disciplined and self-controlled outside, you tend to be worrisome
and insecure inside. At times you have serious doubts about whether you
have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain
amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by
restrictions and limitations. You pride yourself on being an independent
thinker and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof.
You have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others.
At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times
you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to
be pretty unrealistic. Security is one of your goals in life."
               - "Universal Psychic Reading",
                 from Peter Huston, Scams from the Great Beyond
		 (possibly originally written by psychologist 
		 Bertram Forer in 1948, mostly by recollecting
		 ideas from an astrology book)
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. 
"Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent rather than passive agreement;
for if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper
agreement than the latter."           - Bertrand Russell
He's partisan, surely, but there's a difference between partisan and complicit,
and he should make sure he's on the right side of that line.
"Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I'm delighted to say that I
have no grasp of it whatsoever." - The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
Disraeli was pretty close: actually, there are Lies, Damn lies, 
Statistics, Benchmarks, and Delivery dates.
[Compare these to the 5 Discordian stages of Chaos, Confusion, Discord,
Bureaucracy, and International Relations.] 
A truth that's told with bad intent 
Beats all the lies you can invent. 
             - William Blake
"What is more unwise than to mistake uncertainty for certainty, 
falsehood for truth?" - Cicero
"Nihil tam munitum quod non expugnari pecuna possit."  
("No place is so strongly fortified that money could not capture it.")
                - Cicero
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" while you look around for a stick.
"I'm not jumping the fence to get that dropped packet...
Ol' Man Routingloop lives there!"
"In his own soul a man bears the source
from which he draws all his sorrows and his joys."
                                    - Sophocles
A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional 
and are the portals of discovery. - James Joyce, "Ulysses" 
"James Joyce - an essentially private man who wished his total indifference
to public notice to be universally recognized." - Tom Stoppard
Consider an apocalyptic statement: nothing is true everything is
permitted. Hasaan I Sabah, the old man in the mountain.  Not to be
interpreted as an invitation to all manner of unrestrained and destructive
behavior, that would be a minor episode, which would run its course.
                             - William S. Burroughs, Apocalypse
"I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past."
                             - Thomas Jefferson
Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all. 
The conscientious historian will correct these defects. - Herodotus
"So what will we take with us? Of course, what we take with us will
be show business. In the future, Mars is a bit like Vegas, the home
of showbiz. The next step will be for the colonists on Mars to
throw off the hand of the United States. There will be this
wonderful historical irony. When the people on Mars write a
declaration of independence saying, "We hold these truths to be
self-evident...," the U.S. will be rather pissed off. I was
planning to write about this in my recent book, but I thought, 'You
naughty Brit!'" - Eric Idle, author of "The Road To Mars" in Wired
magazine, 1/2000      
wrought irony
"That's the whole problem with science.
You've got a bunch of empiricists trying 
to describe things of unimaginable wonder."
    - Calvin (& Hobbes)
"Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies." - Nietzsche
A good man has few enemies; a ruthless man has none.
"Living on earth and in space are the same class of problem.
In one, the environment is harshly inimical to humans: 
in the other, the inverse is true."
I've got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.
                    - Edmund Blackadder, Black Adder III
		      Episode 1, Dish and Dishonesty
The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons.
                  - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A Brit, a Frenchman, and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve
frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful.
Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple
between them to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. 
They are Russian."
I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
Trepanation. There's something I need like a hole in the head.
Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I feel very peculiar.  I feel
like I've just got to bite a cat!  I feel like if I don't bite a cat
before sundown, I'll go crazy!  But then I just take a deep breath and
forget about it.  That's what is known as real maturity.
                                            - Snoopy
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
                - Emo Philips
"Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me. After the explosion, I spend the rest of the day putting the pieces together."
                - Ray Bradbury
Every oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who stood their ground. 
                   - Anonymous
Your doctor smokes, your priest cusses, and your shrink is a nut.
hedgemony: the state of having similar shrubberies
"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss
on your computer." - Bruce Graham
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crispy and good with
Do not meddle in the affairs of sysadmins, for they are quick to anger and
have no need for subtlety.
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for it makes them soggy and hard 
to light.
"To larger sight, the rim of shadow is the line of light."
 - Thomas William Parsons, 1819-1892
"Light travels faster than sound.
That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
"Comparison is always possible and useful."  - Saussure
If you're destroying yourself on account of some misconceived guilt,
repeat the following affirmation 'til you mean it:
"By destroying myself, I am merely adding to the darkness of the world.
By forgiving myself and creating myself anew, I add to the light.
By increasing the light, I make up for any wrong I've done".

From the Barefoot Doctor's Handbook
Life is the first gift, love is the second,
and understanding is the third.
                        - Marge Piercy 
"You could say love leaps burning hot in me like the fires of a star and
it needs many windows, many doors, or it eats me to ash. Energy forces
me outward expanding like a universe yet I can stand to leave nothing,
no one I have loved."
                          - Marge Piercy
There's many a man hath more [pointy] hair than wit.
                  - Shakespeare, Comedy of Errors, act 2, scene 2
		  [notes by Darqchild]
Never trust a man who combs his hair
straight from his left armpit. 
        - Alice Roosevelt Longworth 
To announce that there must be no criticism of the President,
or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong,
is not only unpatriotic and servile,
but is morally treasonable to the American public.
           - Theodore Roosevelt, 26th US President (1858-1919)
The only president you should trust, is one that was "called" to duty, rather than "asking" for it.
The last president to be "called" was George Washington. All the rest slung mud to get it. All of them.
"...after all, our founding fathers died to build a nation where we consumers
could be free to declare our impotent jingoism."
"You can manipulate people's thoughts, you can manipulate people's reality,
with the right words. Ask Goebbels. All of our world is made of words, is
made of images. The people who manipulate those words, those images, those
are the magicians and speaking personally I'd say that you shouldn't trust
them any further than you can throw them."
                    - Alan Moore
"It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago; we got a full tank of gas,
half-a-pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."

"Hit it."
             - The Blues Brothers
As told my Alan Watts...

A Zen buddhist priest was attending a dinner party one evening.  The
guests were all seated on the floor around a low rectangular table.  On
the table in front of each guest was a small hibachi grill filled with hot
coals.  The diners were cooking their own servings of meat and vegetables,
which they took from various bowls on the table.

Several geishas were serving the guests.  The priest noticed that one of
the geishas conducted herself as if she might have had some zen training.  
He decided to test her, so he called her over.

The geisha knelt across the table from the priest and bowed.  The priest
bowed in return, and said: "I would like to give you a gift." Using his
chopsticks, he reached into the hibachi, picked up a hot coal, and offered
it to the geisha.

She hesitated for a moment, then finally pulled the sleeves of her kimono
down over her hands. She grabbed the coal, ran into the kitchen, and
dropped it into a pan of water.  Her hands were not hurt, but the
beautiful kimono gown was ruined.

The geisha went back to the table and knelt across from the priest.  She
bowed to the priest. He bowed in return.  Then she said: "I would like to
give you a gift too."

"I would be honored," the priest replied.

She picked up a pair of chopsticks, removed a hot coal from the priest's
grill, and offered it to him.  The priest reached into his robe and took
out a cigarette.

As he leaned forward to light his smoke he said, "Thank you. That is
exactly what I wanted."
What do you call a camel with a head on each end? A palindromedary!
It's not enough to love the flowers, you have to hate the weeds.
"If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have
something to do with a shortage of flowers." -  Doug Larson
"It's not enough to succeed. Others must fail." - Gore Vidal
A disciple of another sect once came to Drescher as he was eating his
morning meal.  "I would like to give you this personality test", said
the outsider, "because I want you to be happy."

Drescher took the paper that was offered him and put it into the
toaster - "I wish the toaster to be happy too."
All who joy would win Must share it - Happiness was born a twin.
                            - Lord Byron
Happiness is like peeing your pants...
Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth. 
"Is 'happy' the appropriate epithet for someone who experiences each moment
as if he were being alternately flayed alive and tickled to death?"
                       - Mark Leyner 
"Here's the new rule: break the wineglass, and fall toward the
glassblower's breath."  - Rumi
You cannot abdicate responsibility for your ideology.
"Strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords, 
is no basis for a system of government." 
                 - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 
note to israel: an elevated firing position is not moral high ground.
        - ap
"From top to bottom, I am obscene." - Henry Rollins 
As psychologist Theodore Schroeder insisted, the belief in external "obscenity"
is the modern form of the witchcraft delusion. 
     - Robert Anton Wilson, Ishtar Rising
UFOs are real. The Air Force doesn't exist.
It's not a UFO. It's merely a fulgurous exhalation conglobed in a cloud 
by the circumfused humour.
"UFOlogy is the mythology of the space age. Rather than angels...we now
have...extraterrestrials. It is the product of the creative imagination.
It serves a poetic and existential function. It seeks to give man deeper
roots and bearings in the universe. It is an expression of our hunger for
mystery...our hope for transcendental meaning. The gods of Mt. Olympus
have been transformed into space voyagers, transporting us by our dreams
to other realms." - Paul Kurtz
"Blue costumes are real. Guns are real.
Cars with bubblegum machines on top are real.
Cops are a social fiction."
                  - Hagbard Celine
"There, the spark leaps to life. The Golden Age quivers on the brink of
creation. Live, my machine! Live my savior! You have my breath... You have
my dream, my dream."
  -The Residents, "Failure / Reconstruction" from the album Mark of the Mole
Calling occupants of interplanetary craft!  
Calling occupants of interplanetary craft 
that have been observing our planet Earth. 
We wish to make contact with you. 
We are your friends, and would like you to make an appearance here on earth. 
Your presence before us will be welcomed with the utmost friendship. 
We will do all in our power to promote mutual understanding 
between your people and the people of Earth. 
Please come in peace and help us in our Earthly problems. 
Give us some sign that you have received our message. 
Be responsible for creating a miracle here on our planet 
to wake up the ignorant ones to reality. 
Let us hear from you. 
We are your friends. 
     - Richard Bender
"Klaatu barada nikto."
Prediction is difficult, especially of the future.
               - Niels Bohr (paraphrasing Yogi Berra?)
We are all agreed that your theory is crazy. 
The question which divides us is whether it is crazy enough 
to have a chance of being correct. 
My own feeling is that it is not crazy enough.
               - Niels Bohr 
That's always the way when you discover something new; 
everyone thinks you're crazy. - Evelyn E. Smith
"Never express yourself more clearly than you think."
           - Neils Bohr
Air Force Inertia Axiom:
Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness.
"Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity.  It
eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the
business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."
                - Johnny Hart
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft...
and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
                           - Wernher von Braun 
With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand
miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules, and
still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no
such thing as progress.
                - Ransom K. Ferm
Don't tell me the sky's the limit, there are footprints on the moon.
[In response to the Moon Landing Hoax hypothesis...]
 If the US government can't hide a blowjob, how would they be able to
        hide a faked moon landing?
I've come here to kick ass and chew bubblegum...
...and I'm all outta bubblegum.
			- They Live
"Where...the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons,
computers in the future may have 1,000 vacuum tubes and perhaps
weigh just 1-1/2 tons."     - Popular Mechanics, March 1949
"Most Non-Unix managers conclude that vi is either
extraterrestrial in origin or was devised by the original Unix
developers as part of a secret communications code to reach
another dimension."    - Communications Week, July 26, 1993 
echo '[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]sb3135071790101768542287578439snlbxq'|dc
Just don't create a file called -rf. :-) 
     - Larry Wall in <11393@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
It gets a trifle weary, jerry-rigging antique Solaris boxes with duct-tape
and symlinks.
"fnord: [from the 'Illuminatus Trilogy'] n. 1. A word used in email and
news postings to tag utterances as surrealist mind-play or humor, esp. in
connection with {Discordianism} and elaborate conspiracy theories. 'I
heard that David Koresh is sharing an apartment in Argentina with Hitler.
(Fnord.)' 'Where can I fnord get the Principia Discordia from?' 2. A
{metasyntactic variable}, commonly used by hackers with ties to
{Discordianism} or the {Church of the SubGenius}."
Sir, you've broken your water.... may I get you a new glass?
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali.
He was using a dotted line.
He caught every other fish.
          - Steven Wright
"Black holes are where God divided by zero."
            - Steven Wright
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
          - Steven Wright
                         ______                          (    
William Porquet           >===<--, COFFEE.EXE missing.   ))  |   = |-' Insert cup and      C|~~|     `-----'   press any key.       `--'
People are always ready to admit a man's ability after he gets there.
                        - Bob Edwards
"Darth Vader sleeps with a teddy-wookie.
...of course, it's an *EVIL* teddy-wookie." - Dr. Evil (attrib.)
"There is no sleep, only a vague haze between when my pager goes off
and my network goes down." - Pepito
 my brain has to be rebooted at least once every 24h during a 6h nightly
      maintenance window.
If you're going through hell, keep going.
                       - Winston Churchill
"When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite."
         - Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"Personally, I am always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught." 
                  - Winston Churchill
The only "intuitive" interface is the nipple. 
After that, it's all learned.
 - Bruce Ediger,, in comp.os.linux.misc, on X interfaces

Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
"It's because they're stupid. That's why everyone does everything." 
            - Homer Simpson 
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.
                  - Johann von Goethe
The Good Lord lets us get old for a reason; so we can find fault with
everything he's made. - Grampa Simpson
I was brought up to respect my elders 
and now I don't have to respect anybody.
                - George Burns at 87
In a world without walls, who needs Windows?
"Problems with Windows? Reboot. Problems with Unix? Be root."
$ kill -9 -1 them all,           | William Porquet, MA (WP930)
  root will know its own.        |        
             - Fnord Bjornberger | #include 
Insanity is merely the stark lack of applicable communication media.
"Madness is something rare in individuals - but in groups, parties,
peoples, ages it is the rule."       - Friedrich Nietzsche        
"Madness takes it's toll. Please have exact change." - Anonymous
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I've ever met.
                               - Abraham Lincon
Language is the map. Ideas are the territory. The map is not the
"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, not the most
intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change." - Charles Darwin
 I get to work on hardware implementations of neural networks too
 Maybe the computers will have us all in zoos by then
 Whaddya think cubicles are?
"Remember, stressed spelled backwards is desserts."
"The only way to settle questions of an ideological nature or
controversial issues among the people is by the democratic method, the
method of discussion, of criticism, of persuasion and education, and not
by the method of coercion or repression" - Mao Tse-Tung, 27 February 1957
Could you imagine a world with no rhetorical questions?
Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions. - Henry N. Camp 
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.
                        - Voltaire
"Happiness is an illusion; only suffering is real." 
                      - Voltaire
"The more I have seen of this world, the less able I have been to conform
to its manners." - Rousseau
All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.
          - Al "Lou" Minatti
You know, great names in science come and go...
but Ampere will always be current!
"Fascism should more properly be called corporatism, 
since it is the merger of state and corporate power." - Mussolini
Knowledge is power, ignornance is the root of evil.
Irrationality is the square root of all evil.
              - Douglas Hofstadter 
Fear conquers understanding. Understanding conquers fear.
Democracy is three wolves and a sheep voting on what's for dinner.
The law that will work is merely the summing up in legislative form of
the moral judgment that the community has already reached.
             - Woodrow Wilson
It would probably be safe to say that more than half of the evil in the world
is due to well-meaning busybodies who just cannot refrain from interfering.
                   - Emmet Fox 
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a
bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect woman (or man) of your dreams.
There can only be one passenger in your car and you can't return to the
bus stop once you have left it (I don't know why, it's just part of this
stupid question!). Which one would you choose to offer a ride to?

Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that
was once actually used as part of a job selection process so your future
could depend on how you answer this question.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you
should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once
saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming
up with his answer. WHAT DID HE SAY?

He answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him
take the old lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the
bus with the woman of my dreams." The moral of the story is that we can
gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations and
Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it 
like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, 
they should give you two weeks notice. There should be severance pay, 
and before they leave you, they should find you a temp. - Bob Ettinger
"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, 
while bad people will find a way around the laws."
                          - Plato (427-347 B.C.)
Just another faceless name on the Internet.
If I were two-faced, 
would I be wearing this one? 
       - Abraham Lincoln 
The original promise of the Internet was that it would
ennoble and empower the workforce, elevating ordinary laborers to
unimaginable new heights of dignity and sophistication. Ha, ha, ha. 
"I don't hate the Internet, it's just that it's the same fucking assholes
who were fucking illiterates before, it's just now they have COMPUTERS"
                                     - Harlan Ellison
I don't want to work 
but I have to work 
to make enough money 
so I don't have to work.
          - Adrienne E. Gusoff 
For a restaurant, displaying a first-aid safety poster isn't just a
good idea, it's the law. For a failing dot-com, it's probably neither.
Hoffer's Discovery: The grand act of a dying institution is to issue 
a newly revised, enlarged edition of the policies and procedures manual.
The opulence of the front office door varies inversely with the
fundamental solvency of the firm.
Please delete this mp3 after 24 hours, or go out and purchase the CD
so the artist can buy more heroin. - comment on an mp3/warez ftp site
"There's just a massive education program that's needed here."
     - Recording Industry Association of America general counsel
       Carey Sherman, on how to stem online music piracy
"America has not always been kind
to its artists and scholars.
Somehow the scientists always seem
to get the penthouse 
while the arts and humanities get the basement." 
          - Lyndon Baines Johnson
Murder investigator standing over body: "The Feng Shui of this
sofa/TV arrangement were destroying his Chi. Case closed!"
Measure twice. Cut once. - old carpenter's saying
Contrary to popular opinion, facts are not established by popular opinion.
"The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common.
Instead of altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts
to fit their views... which can be very uncomfortable if you happen
to be one of the facts that needs altering."  - Dr. Who (Tom Baker)
Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to 
                - Dr. Who 
"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." - Milton Berle
Only a PC would tell you this:
"Error, No Keyboard - Press F1 to continue"
The future masters of technology will have to be lighthearted and intelligent.
The machine easily masters the grim and the dumb. - Marshall McLuhan, 1969
Ralph's Observation: It is a mistake to let any mechanical object 
realise that you are in a hurry.
"I'm not a robot like you. I don't like having disks crammed into me... 
unless they're Oreos, and then only in the mouth." - Fry, Futurama
So there I was, lying in my bed, looking up at the stars, and suddenly
I asked myself: "Where the hell is my roof?!"
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars
in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint 
somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
"In 1980, a single person could understand the UNIX kernel.
In 1990, a single person couldn't even lift it!" 
               - Steve Zucker (as qutoed by Dick Dunn ) 
Today's root password is brought to you by /dev/random
"Anyone attempting to generate random numbers by deterministic means is,
of course, living in a state of sin."
               - John von Neumann (1903-1957)
Solaris is a blind bitch pulling nine suckling pups up a hill
in a snowstorm with a mouth full of porcupine quills.
          - Brian "Fade" O'Reilly (paraphrasing Tom Waits as the
	    Sparcstation has been drinking)
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes,
make Bloody Marys.
Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature. - Helen Keller
It, And and What walk into a bar.
It gets drunk,
And falls down,
What happens next.
       - Lauriat Lane III
An SQL query walks into a bar, goes up to two tables, and says “can I join you?”
An SEO marketeer walks into a bar, bars, tavern, pub, public house, Irish pub, drink, drinks, liquor, beer, alcohol....
A QA engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 99999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a asdfghjkl. 

First real customer walks in and asks where the bathroom is. The bar bursts into flames, killing everyone.
Some people are like slinkies.
They're not really useful for anything 
but you can't help but smile when they tumble down the stairs.

"British Constitution"
"Passive-aggressive disorder"
"Loquacious Transubstantiate"

"Thanks, but I don't want to have sex."
"Nope, no more booze for me."
"Sorry, but you're not really my type."
"Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight."
"Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing."
To the typical Mac end-user, Unix is mysterious, and ancient, and strong.  
It's made of cast iron and the bones of heroic programmers of old.  Unix
is like a brawny Soviet on a Constructivist poster, swinging his hammer
for his comrades. We don't know why it's good, but damn if our hearts
aren't stirred by the weighty, solidly angular goodness of it all.
The X11 approach to device independence is 
to treat everything like a MicroVAX on acid.
an intermediate admin just makes machines run,
and a senior admin makes them make money
       - batz
"sic transit discus mundi" 
(From the System Administrator's Guide, by Lars Wirzenius)
  The Unix Sysadmin Song
  The Unix Sysadmin Song was written by Harley Hahn for his book 
  "The Unix Companion" (see page 253).
  The song is sung to the tune of the 
  "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" 
  from the Gilbert and Sullivan play Pirates of Penzance.
  Unix Sysadmin:
  I am the very model of a modern Unix Sysadmin,
  I've information relevant to programs in slash usr bin,
  I know the tricks of emacs and the vi bugs historical,
  From a to ZZ upper case, in order categorical;
  I'm very well acquainted too with matters of the interface,
  I understand commands of pine, and how they hurt the human race.
  About the pico editor I'm teeming with a lot o' bosh –
  With many cheerful facts of how it's dumber than a Macintosh.
  With many cheerful facts of how it's dumber than a Macintosh.
  Unix Sysadmin:
  I'm very good at showing users how to pick the best of tools,
  I know I should avoid the nerds who hang out in the vestibules;
  In short, in matters relevant to programs in slash usr bin,
  I am the very model of a modern Unix Sysadmin.
  In short, in matters relevant to programs in slash usr bin,
  He is the very model of a modern Unix Sysadmin.
[ reacting to an iMac]
"What the hell is that, a bathtoy?
It looks like Fisher Price teamed up the Tupperware and tried to make a
dishwasher-safe My First Computer."
                                  - William Porquet
"Mastery of UNIX, like mastery of language, offers real freedom. The price
of freedom is always dear, but there's no substitute. Personally, I'd rather
pay for my freedom than live in a bitmapped, pop-up-happy dungeon like NT."
                                        - Thomas Scoville
"When you understand UNIX, you will understand the world.
When you understand will understand NT" - R. Thieme
"Those who can really troubleshoot are worth their weight in gold."
Gold is good if things get worse, but _not_ if they get totally bad.
If things go totally bad, lead with a little powder behind it is worth
a lot more than gold.
Unix is probably the answer, but only if you phrase the question very carefully.
If NT was the answer, it must have been a very silly question.
There are two kinds of OSes: Unix, and brain-farts.
                   - Aaron R. Kulkis
I use not only all the brains I have, 
but all those I can borrow as well. - Woodrow Wilson
"I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops." - Stephen Jay Gould
"Contrary to popular belief, Unix is user friendly. It just happens
to be very selective about who its friends are." - Yonatan Zunger
BSD boxes are red,
Sun boxes are blue.
Unix is for some people,
But it isn't for you!
            - Stephen F. Manley
You are, my friend, up the proverbial estuary without means of locomotion.
"UNIX was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because
that would also stop you from doing clever things." - Stan Kelly-Bootle
"For best results, avoid doing stupid things."
"How many PIDs could a SIGHUP HUP if a SIGHUP could HUP PIDs?"
"On two occasions, I have been asked [by members of Parliament],
'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will
the right answers come out?' I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of
confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." - Charles Babbage
"If you put garbage in a computer, nothing comes out but garbage. But
this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow
ennobled and none dare criticise it." - Anonymous
It's a pity stupidity isn't painful.
There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
Vos lobes d'oreilles sont comme les tetes des poissons en hiver.
"It's trivial to make fun of Microsoft products, but it takes a real
hacker to make them work, and a god to make them do anything useful."
        - Anonymous
"Amateurs hack systems.  Professionals hack people."
Security Advisory for ALL UNIX Systems

Systems Affected

* IBM AIX versions 4.3 and 5.1
* Hewlett-Packard's HP-UX
* SCO OpenServer 5.0.6 and earlier
* SGI IRIX 3.x
* Sun Solaris 8 and earlier


Several implementations of direct serial connect console may have a
serious security hole. In more than several cases, a guy (SA) sitting on a
folding chair in a data center, directly logged in to the system via
serial connection and dumb terminal, was hit over the head with a stick by
another guy. The second guy was then able to gain access to the system by
forcefully taking away the dumb terminal from the guy that was hit over
the head, and use his login to do bad stuff on the system.


The guy that was hit over the head with the stick suffered a bump on the
head, and bad stuff was done on the system.


We recommend disabling ALL systems in your data center. Issue the
following command on Solaris: init 5, then turn it off by toggling the
on/off switch. This method will prevent any attack outside your network,
from within your network, and by god, from within your data center. The is
the best known method of stopping ALL security holes, including the "stick
on the head" issue. As vendors report new information to the CERT/CC, we
will update this section.
Microsoft seems to have gotten a lot of mileage out of the C2 rating
for NT with no network connection. I wonder if a B3 rating for Linux
with no power cord might be of value. 
        - seen on the Linux kernel mailing list
Windows 2000: Designed for the Internet.
The Internet: Designed for Unix. 
Bell Labs Unix - Reach out and grep someone.
Original speech by Barry Marin (PanThea 2002):

Well, Yes. I became a polytheist because I have a scientific mind. I
looked at the evidence: Teats on men. Nose hair. EAR hair! The Krebs
cycle. This body has all the earmarks of something designed by a COMMITTEE!

And I know women were involved. Because, let's face it: If a MAN had
invented MEN, my balls would not be where they are. They'd be in my chest, 
or my skull, somewhere SAFE.

My real problem is that they let the trickster Gods into it. Like farting.
You KNOW farting was Pan's idea. It's just exactly his style.

I can just picture the animal design committee in my mind.

There's Hermes in the corner, making insect after insect after insect.
They're small, they fly, they're annoying. Perfect!

So Artemis wanted something to hunt them: invented the Wren.

Aphrodite didn't think that wasn't pretty enough: invented the Bluebird.

Ares thought that was too tame: made the Hawk.
Zeus thought that was too small: invented the Falcon.
Poseidon had to top that: created the Eagle.
Athena put her twist on the idea: invented the Owl.
Hera wanted something more practical: invented the Chicken.
That was too ugly for Aphrodite: made the Peacock.
Zeus wanted bigger chickens: created the Turkey.

And Bacchus chimed in: "Ok, ok! It's a chicken. A BIG chicken! A REALLY 
big chicken! And it's got a looonnngg neck!"

"Looks too big to fly, Bacchus."

"It don't fly, it runs really fast!"

"That's nice, Bacchus."

So then, we know Poseidon created the Horse. Aphrodite didn't think that 
was pretty enough: made the Gazelle.
Hera wanted something more practical again: created the Cow.
Zeus made it bigger: invented the Ox.
Poseidon had to top THAT: invented the Elephant.
Cows weren't fierce enough for Ares: made the Leopard.
Which Zeus wanted bigger: created the Lion.
which now Artemis had to top: invented the tiger.

And Bacchus: "Right! So it's a horse, a BIG horse! And it's got a
looonnngg neck; And ORANGE POLKA DOTS!"

"That's nice, Bacchus."

And it went on.

Athena made Fish for Poseidon. Zeus made them bigger: created Whales.
Poseidon returned the favor: invented Rabbits for Athena's Owls. Aphrodite 
wanted them softer: made Chinchillas.

And, of course, Bacchus: "Ok, So; it's a looonnngg neck!"

"How many feet does it have, Bacchus?"

"It's got no feet! It's just a loooonnng neck. Slithering on the ground!"

"That's nice Bacchus."

And so it went.

If you listen carefully and observe the world around you; You begin to hear 
the music of creation. And it's not the monotone, monotonous march of a 
monotheistic Deity. What single God would bother to invent 9000 different 
kinds of Frog? No, that music is Jazz! One idea bouncing off another, and 
taking off in a new direction. Riffs; and variations on themes, and 
variations of the variations.

Obviously a group effort!

Until finally, Bacchus; from deep in his cups:  "Platypus!"

Against boredom, even the gods themselves struggle in vain. - Nietzsche
"The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a
base ten counting system and likes round numbers."   - Scott Adams
"Imagine the Creator as a low comedian,
and at once the world becomes explicable."
	   - H. L. Mencken
I visited a school and asked "What is the biggest problem on this campus:
ignorance, apathy, or isolation?" Right away someone said "I don't know,
and I don't care - now leave me alone!"
Agnostic apathetic isolationist.
I don't know. I don't care. Go away.
Si le bonheur ne s'achete pas alors louez le.
      .          ///////\    .     .      .
 . _/_/_/_/_/_/ |||||||::|   _/_/_/_/_/_/  
 _/_/_/_/_/_/~~~||||||| ~~~_/_/_/_/_/_/     .
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.       .         .        .             .
 .==-.                   .-==.
  \()8`-._  `.   .'  _.-'8()/
  (88"   ::.  \./  .::   "88)
     `._... .q(_)p. ..._.'
       .""' .'|=|`. `"".
    (O :8 ::/ \_/ \:: 8: O)
     \O `::/       \::' O/
      ""--'         `--""

                         `6_ 6  )   `-.  (     ).`-.__.`)
                         (_Y_.)'  ._   )  `._ `. ``-..-'
                       _..`--'_..-_/  /--'_.' ,'
                      (il).-''  (li).'  ((!.-'
      |\      _,,,---,,_
 Zzz. /,`.-'`'    -.  ;-;;,_.
     |,4-  ) )-,_. ,\ (  `'-'
    '---''(_/--'  `-'\_) 
Between want and need is self-control.
Good, fast or cheap: pick any two.
Inside the museums, Infinity goes up on trial /
Voices echo "this is what salvation must be like after a while.."
                                - Bob Dylan, "Visions of Johanna"
I bet the human brain is a kludge. - Minsky
Satan, oscillate my metallic sonatas.
"The more you drive, the less intelligent you get." - Repo Man
The manufacturers of KY Jelly have announced that their product
is now fully Year 2000 compliant. In the light of this they have
now renamed it "Y2KY Jelly". Said a spokesperson: "The main benefit
of this revision to our product, is that you can now insert four
digits into your date instead of two."
UNIX foreplay:
touch; unzip; finger; rm /dev/pants; strip; head; top; mount; fsck; more; gasp; yes; zip; sleep; exit
Subtract clothes, divide legs, add penis, multiply.
 find / -name 'hole_in_the_ground' -exec grep my_ass {} \;
# cd /pub
# more beer
"Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer."
                       - Henry Lawson
#define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb))
                          - William Shakespeare
"The Internet has given every little computer nerd who works at a gas station
license to say whatever they want."  - King Buzzo
Usenet is essentially a HUGE group of people passing notes in class.
                          - R. Kadel
The best way to get a question answered on usenet
is to post an incorrect answer.
Dorothea: "Rose, you studied Latin?!"
Rose: "You bet! First in my class at St. Gustaf's, Orothea-Day!"
                      - The Golden Girls
Why do they call it a network? You can't catch fish in it and it never works.
Always carry a short length of fibre-optic cable.
If you get lost, then you can drop it on the
ground, wait 10 minutes, and ask the backhoe
operator how to get back to civilization.
ISP = intermittant service provider.
Seen on a button at an SF Convention: 
"Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force. 1990-1951." 
"The question isn't if it's art or pornography, people, 
it's what color underwear does sailor moon wear!"
                               - DJ Syncros
"Absurdity is memetic pornography."
Memes don't exist. Tell everyone you know.
Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
It might look like I'm doing nothing,
but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
"When Alexander Graham Bell died in 1922, the telephone people interrupted
service for one minute in his honor.  They've been honoring him
intermittently ever since, I believe." - The Grab Bag
What boots up must come down.
Virtual reality is its own reward.
Modulation in all things.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day;
teach him to use the 'Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute;
set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
"Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater."
                  - Gail Godwin
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
                            - Bertrand Russell
To die for an idea is to place a pretty high price on conjectures.
                - Anatole France
"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools.
Let's start with typewriters."
	- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
"When you argue with your inferiors, you convince them of only one thing:
they are as clever as you." - Irving Layton
"In America only the successful writer is important,
in France all writers are important,
in England no writer is important, 
in Australia you have to explain what a writer is."  - Geoffrey Cotterell
Question skepticism
"Only he who can show his road where to turn is not tired by the journey."
                               - Milorad Pavic
The customer is always right, but they were supposed to be left.
Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal
basis.  It makes sense, when you don't think about it.
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what
the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be
replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another
theory which states that this has already happened." - Douglas Adams
In theory, theory is the same as practice - but not in practice.
                                  - Fnord Bjornberger
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.
But, in practice, there is.
  - Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. 
But, in practice, there is."
                 - Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.
In practice there is.
              - Yogi Berra
"If Vienna had been on the equator and its bourgeoisie had gone around
in Bermuda shorts, would Freud have described the same neurotic
symptoms, the same Oedipal triangles?"
         - Umberto Eco, Travels in Hyperreality
"I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, 
a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt 
to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth."
                  - Umberto Eco
"You think the net's neat, you're on AOL.  I'm reserved, I'm tech
support.  You enjoy a nice juicy cheeseburger.  I WORK ON THE KILLING
FLOOR." - (E.),
=== This virus works on the honor system ====

Most viruses target PCs. Therefore, this honor
system virus has been created to target most other

So, if you are running a Macintosh, OS/2, Unix or
Linux computer, please randomly delete or corrupt
several files from your hard disk now. Then
forward this message to everyone you know.
-- like a TV with the back cover removed - it's suitable for
those who like to fiddle and know enough not to touch the toroid.
               - Anonymous
"Maybe that's my problem - assuming there must be some sort of thought
process going on, rather than just some random electrical charges
floating around inside the skull."  - Kenneth J. Brody  a.t-s.r
"Awk!", Grep sed.
You know, Callahan's is a peaceable bar, but if you ask that dog what his 
favorite formatter is, and he says "roff! roff!", well, I'll just have to... 
Support search and rescue...get lost!
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does
not become a monster. And when you look long into an abyss. The abyss
also looks into you."  - Nietzsche
"I heard if you cat /dev/null you'll go blind." - anon.comp.sci Frosh
# cat /dev/random > /dev/brain 
Each white tablet contains only the finest inert, spurious, ersatz
"If organized religion is the opiate of the masses,
then disorganized religion is the marijuana of the
lunatic fringe."
                - Malaclypse The Younger
"We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the same sense 
and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and 
his children smart." - H. L. Mencken
"But (even so), if they repent, establish regular prayers, and
practise regular charity,- they are your brethren in Faith: (thus) do We
explain the Signs in detail, for those who understand."
Koran 9:11 (Yusufali translation)
"How do you feel about these terrorism suspects sharing your Islamic faith?
"I dunno, how do you feel about Hitler sharing your Catholic faith?"
"I am now as before a Catholic and will always remain so."
 - Adolf Hitler
   quoted in John Toland [Pulitzer Prize winner], _Adolf Hitler_
   (New York: Anchor Publishing, 1992), p. 507
Fairy Tale, n.: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
"Bunch together a group of people deliberately chosen for strong
religious feelings, and you have a practical guarantee of dark
morbidities expressed in crime, perversion, and insanity."
         -HP Lovecraft, letter to Robert E. Howard 10/4/30
"I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman,
shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman
on a Saturday night." - Woody Allen.
Well-behaved women rarely make history.
An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and 
directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing." 
Who's the peer that keeps resetting my connection?  And where can I find him?
I have a broken pipe I'd like to beat him with.
No, that server isn't down. It just has a temporary bout of ping apnea.
"Don't tell my momma I'm a sysadmin,
she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse."     
         - Alan J. Rosenthal
You may be a square Lenora, but you're still a tramp.
So I wish you first a sense of theatre;
only Those who love illusion and know it will go far:
Otherwise we spend our lives in a confusion;
Of what we say and do with Who we really are.
(Many Happy Returns, W.H. Auden)
"I prefer rogues to imbeciles, because they sometimes take a rest."
                                           - Alexandre Dumas (fils)
Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level 
then beat you with experience.
"And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed,
which is upon the face of the earth ... to you it shall be for
meat."    Genesis 1:29
"I used to herd dairy cows. Now I herd lusers.  part from the isolation,
I think I preferred the cows. They were better conversation, easier to
milk, and if they annoyed me enough, I could shoot them and eat them."
                                - Roger Donaldson in the Monastery
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
         - Anonymous soldier at Fortress Louisbourg National Historic Park
Beware of strong drink - it makes you shoot at tax collectors and miss.
                          - Mark Twain
Most lusers don't have anything wrong with them that
a little corrective phrenology and percussive maintenance won't fix.
Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one
instruction - from which, by induction, one can deduce that every
program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.
PHP is like E. Coli - everybody has some, you just have to keep it in the right place. - Thanatos
"Music is the corporealization of the intelligence that is sound."
                  - Edgar Varese
The century of aeroplanes deserves its own music.
As there are no precedents, I must create anew.  - Claude Debussy
Music is well said to be the speech of angels; 
in fact, nothing among the utterances allowed to man is felt to be so divine. 
It brings us near to the infinite.
              - Thomas Carlyle
EVERYTHING by Michael Revoltin and Golly G could be annihilated from existence
forever and not bother me in the least.
This is music produced by blending a sedative with a laxative.
                       -Mike Curtis
So I bump into this kid again in the bathroom at a rave washing his hands, and I say, "Hey, weren't you here less than an hour ago?" And then the kid says "Yeah, I've been here almost all night, I took an Ex-lax and an ecstacy pill at the same time." I cocked an eyebrow and said to him "Why in Bob's name would you do such a silly thing?!" The kid just shrugged and said "I dunno, I guess I just did it for shits and giggles."
I tried to resist his overtures, but he plied me with symphonies,
quartettes, chamber music, and cantatas.  - S.J. Perelman (1904 - 1979)
College bred is a four-year loaf made out of the old man's dough.
I've always maintained that no software should be released that can't
withstand three hours of an enthusiastic yet undirected pounding-upon by a
typical five-year-old. This, coincidentally, also describes Microsoft's
entire development process.
"You couldn't be a bigger sucker if there were a white
stick in your ass and your head came wrapped in cellophane." - Dan Savage
"If you look around the table, and you can't tell who the sucker is,
it's you." - Paul Newman
Every man knows he is a sissy compared to Johnny Cash.
            - Bono
Do gay termites eat woodpeckers?
He's so gay he farts sparkles.
Racists never imagine what it's like to be like the person they hate,
homophobes imagine it in graphic detail for hour upon hour.
              - Bob Schooley
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her 
radio show.

Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to 
Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the 
Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from 
your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend 
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to 
be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow 

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - 
Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite 

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, 
what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual 
cleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take 

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are 
purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not 
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be 
put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a 
lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have 
to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room 

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even 
though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play 
football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as 
does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread cotton/polyester blend). He 
also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of 
getting the whole town together to stone them? -Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a 
private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for 
reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan,
Measure No. 9 Argument in Favor

HOMOSEXUALTIY. If the OCA's "No Special Rights" Committee wants to take one of the 3,000 year old laws 
of ritual holiness from Leviticus and put it into the Bill of Rights in the state constitution, they 
should be sincere enough to put all the rest of LEVITICUS into the constitution as well. It's a simple 
matter of respect for these historic laws to treat them consistently.

We at the SPECIAL RIGHTEOUSNESS COMMITTEE are just as offended by homosexuality, and we have just as 
much right as the OCA does to change the state constitution to require government discrimination 
against people whose behavior we don't like.

My friends, do you want the public schools teaching your children that shaving is a legitimate and 
equal alternative style to a normal and healty beard? Would you want to be forced to hire an 
oyster-eater to direct your church choir? Adam and Eve wore fig leaves -100 percent fig leaves- and 
this is divine proof that those disgustingly unnatural cotton/polyester blends are sinful. And when 
the OCA was analyzing the threat to traditional family values, we don't know how they managed to 
overlook adultery! Why, there's a lot more adultery than homosexuality going on out there, and 
extrapolations from OCA statistics show that 90 PERCENT of the people who have engaged in SEXUAL 

The state condones adultery by not punishing it with DEATH as required by LEVITICUS. It promotes 
oyster-eating by licensing seafood restaurants, and it allows people to take mixed fibers out of the 
closet and to flaunt them right out in public without being fired or evicted! The state is encouraging 

If the OCA can have the special right to make their personal moral agenda into public policy, then 
anyone else also should be able to amend the Bill of Rights to eliminate basic human rights for people 
who they don't like.

Let's put ALL of LEVITICUS into the constitution! A "yes" vote is the first step in facilitating our 
militant moral aganda.


Special Righteousness Committee P.O. Box 1851 Portland, Oregon 97201
"...if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on
lust, this would be a better world." - Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Days"
They came for the Catholics, and I did not speak up because I wasn't a 
Catholic. They came for the communists, and I did not speak up because I was 
not a communist. They came for the union leaders, and I did not speak up
because I wasn't a union leader. They came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up
because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for me, and there was no one left to 
speak up for me." - Martin Niemoller, 1892-1984
A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. At one house
it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even
though the pastor had knocked several times. Finally, the pastor took out
his card and wrote "Revelations 3:20" on the back of it, and stuck it in
the door.

{Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens
the door, I will come in to him and dine with him and him with me.}

The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below the
pastor's message was the notation "Genesis 3:10".

{I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked;
and I hid myself.}
Regarding god: I am plenty safe enough in his hands; 
I am not in any danger from that kind of a Diety. 
The one that I want to keep out of the reach of, 
is the caricature of him which one finds in the Bible. 
We (that one and I) could never respect each other, never get along together.
I have met his superior a hundred times - in fact I amount to that myself.
                              - Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
Do you actually read the Bible or just pretend it says whatever you feel like?
[ response to being told I was "gay by choice"]
Yes, I made the choice to become a member of the world's most unpopular 
minority... I LOVE having my rights denied and getting yelled at and threatened
with bodily harm by strangers! A person no more "chooses" to be gay then they
choose whether to be right or left handed. The only choice is between a 
closeted life of denial and fear, or the strength that comes from telling the
truth.         - Anonymous
Homosexuality is God's way of ensuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children.
"The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears."
"I'm picturing Windows NT jamming a network backbone going 'la la la la I can't
hear you la la la la la'" - Graham Reed, alt.sysadmin.recovery
Life with men is like a deck of cards...
You need a Heart to love them, a Diamond to marry them,
a Club to beat them, and a Spade to bury the bastards.
Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
The problem with most conspiracy theories is that they seem to believe
that for a group of people to behave in a way detrimental to the common
good requires intent.
Ever wonder why the *same people* make up *all* the conspiracy theories?
"I love talking about the Warren Commission, I love talking about the
Kennedy assasination as well. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by
it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so
obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. I think
that's interesting in what is ostensibly a democracy. Sarcasm - come on
in. People say, 'Bill, quit talking about Kennedy man. It was a long time
ago, just let it go, alright? It's a long time ago, just forget it.' I'm
like, alright, then don't bring up Jesus to me. As long as we're talking
shelf life here, you know." - Bill Hicks
As Jesus says in the gospel of Thomas, "If you bring forth that which is
within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth
that which is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."
"Conspiracy theory is the sophistication of the ignorant."
                                      - Richard Grenier 
"In God we trust.  All others we monitor."
                      - No Such Agency secret motto
Ignorance killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you
have their shoes.  - Anonymous
"The dogs bark but the caravan rolls on." - Andre Gide, referring to critics
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes.
                -- Dr. Warren Jackson, Director, UTCS
The weaknesses and the strengths of computer networking derive from the same
feature: it is easy to send messages to anyone who has access to the network.
  - Donald A. Norman, The Trouble with Networks (Datamation 1/1982)
The typical network is not like a brick house with windows, doors and       
locks. It is more like a tissue paper tent encircled by a band of drunken    
teenagers with lit matches.
"Today the most civilized countries spend a maximum of their income on war
and a minimum on education. The 21st century will reverse that order. It
will be more glorious to fight against ignorance than to die on the field
of battle. The discovery of a new scientific principle will be more
important than the squabbles of diplomats." - Nikola Tesla
[...I want to live to see the day the U.S. military has to have a bake sale
to fund a new missile...]
"Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive
days I've stayed alive."
"Free flow of information is the only safeguard against tyranny. The
once-chained people whose leaders at last lose their grip on information
will soon burst with freedom and vitality, but the free nation gradually
constricting its grip on public discourse has begun its rapid slide into
despotism. Beware he who would deny you access to information, for in his
heart he dreams himself your master." - Unknown
"Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar."
                  - Edward R. Murrow 

"Questions are a burden to others; answers, a prison for
oneself." -- Village Edict, The Prisoner
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Once, when the secrets of science were the jealously guarded
property of a small priesthood, the common man had no hope of mastering
their arcane complexities.  Years of study in musty classrooms were
prerequisite to obtaining even a dim, incoherent knowledge of science.
Today all that has changed: a dim, incoherent knowledge of science
is available to anyone.
                - Tom Weller, "Science Made Stupid"
Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
		- Beckett
I also believe that academic freedom should protect the right of a
professor or student to advocate Marxism, socialism, communism, or any
other minority viewpoint - no matter how distasteful to the majority.
                           - Richard M. Nixon
What are our schools for if not indoctrination against Communism?
            - Richard M. Nixon
"I don't know what you mean by `glory,'" Alice said.  Humpty Dumpty smiled
contemptuously.  "Of course you don't - till I tell you.  I meant `there's
a nice knock-down argument for you!'"  "But glory doesn't mean `a nice
knock-down argument,'" Alice objected.
"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone, "it
means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less."
"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many
different things."
"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master - that's
     - Lewis Carrol, "Through the Looking Glass"
It's a good sign of a losing argument when the best thing you have to say in defense of your words is that they're not illegal to say.
In the beginning was the word.
But by the time the second word was added to it,
there was trouble.
For with it came syntax ...
   - John Simon
"In the beginning, God said the four-dimensional divergence of an
antisymmetric, second rank tensor equals zero, and there was Light,
and it was good."
Did you know they took "gullible" out of the dictionary?
Q: Is there a hyphen between "anal retentive"?

A: Yes, but it's an en-dash and not an em-dash.
Warning: the following Web page may contain four ASCII characters in the range
97-122 (decimal) which, when concatenated, may offend you.
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."
         - Sam Brown, The Washington Post, 01/26/1977
Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson
Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate.
Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and
great effort pushing boulders into a single word.

It can be seen from 10,000 feet, silhouetted against the snow.
Government officials exchanged memos full of circumlocutions (no Latin
equivalent exists) but failed to word an appropriation bill for the
destruction of this cairn, that wouldn't alert the press and embarrass
both Parliament and Party.

It stands today, a monument to human spirit.  If life exists on other
planets, this may be the first message received from us.
		- The Realist, November, 1964.

P.S. Is this it? Why is it smudged out?,-87.878265&spn=0.659180,1.010742&t=k&hl=en
I looked this area up with the Canadian National Air Photo Library, and it
appears to be labelled "Kamarvik Creek" just south of "Meen Lake".
I've also seen the area around it referred to as "Ukkusiksalik National Park". also blacks out the same strip. blacks out the same strip.
See also
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves 
on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
           - Susan Ertz 
"Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees."
               - J. J. Furnas 
Flappity, floppity, flip
The mouse on the Mobius strip;
The strip revolved,
The mouse dissolved
In a chronodimensional skip.
"Calling Atheism a religion is like calling bald a hair color."
          - Don Hirschberg, in a letter to Ann Landers
"Sur le volcan ne pousse pas l'herbe" (Grass does not grow on a volcano).
    - Ivor Cutler
"Do I contradict myself? 
Very well then I contradict myself. 
I am large, I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman
"The true test of a first-rate mind is the ability to hold two
contradictory ideas at the same time." - F. Scott Fitzgerald 
"A mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions." 
             - Oliver Wendell Holmes
Reality must take precedence over public relations, 
for Mother Nature cannot be fooled. - Richard Feynman
The truth always turns out to be simpler than you thought.
     - Richard Feynman, Physicist, educator
Nature is trying very hard to make us succeed, but nature does not depend 
on us. We are not the only experiment.
                                - Bucky Fuller
Humans always do the most intelligent thing after every stupid alternative
has failed.                   - R. Buckminster Fuller
God, to me, it seems, 
is a verb 
not a noun, 
proper or improper.
            - Bucky Fuller, No More Secondhand God ( (1963)) p. 28
              (untitled poem written in (1940))
Mining the Snow on the Way to Kurt van der Basch's

I tried to bring you
Sapphires in the snow
But when I returned
My hands were cold and wet
      - William Porquet
He's so dumb he checked in the Betty Ford Clinic for placebo addiction.
Everything you've learned in school as "obvious" becomes less and less obvious
as you begin to study the universe. For example, there are no solids in the
universe. There's not even a suggestion of a solid. There are no absolute 
continuums. There are no surfaces. There are no straight lines. 
                             - Bucky Fuller
"When I'm working on a problem, I never think about beauty.
I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, 
if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong." 
                                 - Richard Buckminster Fuller
"When a contradiction is impossible to resolve except by a lie,
then we know that it is really a door."  - Simone Weil
"It is difficult to say what is impossible,
for the dream of yesterday is the hope of
today and the reality of tomorrow."
        - Robert H. Goddard
Remember, Information is not knowledge; Knowledge is not Wisdom; 
Wisdom is not truth; Truth is not beauty; Beauty is not love; 
Love is not music; Music is the best.
                      - Frank Zappa
"Diversity is not disorder. Debate is not strife. 
And dissent is not revolution."
                   - George W. Bush, speaking in China
It's amazing I won. I was running against peace, prosperity, and
        - George W. Bush June 14, 2001
"I think the president did what he had to do in terms of talking about the
importance of waging peace aggressively." - Sen. Thad Cochran, R-Miss.
A new unexplored branch of humour: take every Newfie joke ever written and replace the word "newfie" 
with the word "Republican".
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. 
                               - Bucky Fuller
As we say in Germany, if there's a Nazi at the table and 10 other people sitting there talking to him, you got a table with 11 Nazis.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
The two most common errors in this country are that our politicians are dumb 
and that they mean well. Exactly the opposite is true.
      - J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people
who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.  - Mark Twain
"When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any
firearms with me.  I said, `Well, what do you need?'"
                - Steven Wright
"The political arena leaves one no alternative, one must either 
be a dunce or a rogue." - Emma Goldman (1869-1940)
It is not best to swap horses while crossing the river. - Abraham Lincoln
Political speeches are like steer horns. 
A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull inbetween. - Alfred E. Neuman
Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.
"Aim to please. Shoot to kill."
[to the tune of "Home on the Range"]
Let architects sing of aesthetics that bring
Rich clients in hordes to their knees;
Just give me a home, in a great circle dome
Where stresses and strains are at ease.
                - Bucky Fuller
Truth is completely spontaneous. Lies have to be taught. 
                     - Bucky Fuller
A human community that lives in a mutually beneficial relation with the 
surrounding earth is a community, we might say, that lives in truth.  The 
ways of speaking common to that community - the claims and beliefs that 
enable such reciprocity to perpetuate itself - are in this important sense, 
true.  They are in accord with a right relation between these people and 
their world.  Statements and beliefs, meanwhile, that foster violence 
toward the land, ways of speaking that enable the impairment or ruination 
of the surrounding field of beings, can be described as false ways of 
speaking - ways that encourage an unsustainable relation with the 
encompassing earth.  A civilization that relentlessly destroys the living 
land it inhabits is not well acquainted with truth, regardless of how many 
supposed facts it has amassed regarding the calculable properties of its world.
                   - David Abram, The Spell of the Sensuous
Intuition, however illogical, is recognized as a command prerogative. 
        - Captain James T. Kirk, "Obsession", stardate 3620.7
"The concept of violence is out of date.
The destruction of your neighbor is the destruction of yourself."
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, 
but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S. Thompson
Insanity has been defined as doing the same thing over and over all the while expecting different results with each repetition of the same old action, unless you work in computer science.
Time is defined so that motion appears simple.
"Joyous distrust is a sign of health. Everything absolute belongs to
pathology." - Nietzsche
"One word in the wrong place will ruin the most beautiful thought." 
                            - Voltaire
Sadly, the Internet is largely inhabited by users who, if locked in a bare cage
with a few boxes and bananas hanging from the ceiling, would probably order
out for pizza.
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by
little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a
great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself
with the shadow on the wall." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I came home the other night and tried to open the door with my car keys...and 
the building started up.  So I took it out for a drive.  A cop pulled me over 
for speeding.  He asked me where I live... "Right here".
                                               - Steven Wright
It's a good thing there's not a commandment against putting 100 golf balls in
a toilet bowl, or every toilet bowl would be full of 99 golf balls and we'd
have no place to crap. - Robert Borkowski
How often I found where I should be going only by setting out for
somewhere else.
                                       - R. Buckminster Fuller
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up
where I intended to be.
                                -  Douglas Adams
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
"Wormwood (vermuth) gets its name from its ancient use
as a tincture which, when swallowed, stuns pinworms
attached to the wall of the gut; they let go and are
eliminated. Pinworms just don't have much of a nervous
system, so when they ingest thujone, they don't do
thrilling things like paint like Van Gogh or see God."
                     - Robert Merkin, on absinthe
Wilde on absinthe:
After the first glass you see things as you wish they were.
After the second, you see things as they are not.
Finally you see things as they really are, 
and that is the most horrible thing in the world.
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States.
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
"To know recursion, you must first know recursion." - Anonymous
"To iterate is human, to recurse, divine."
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
As Rev. Spooner would say, you are a shining wit.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Pepsi and Britney Spears have teamed up to promote two-liter plastic jugs.
Speaking as a noble about the serf issue in Russia, Leo Tolstoy wrote:
"I sit on a man's back, choking him, and making him carry me, and yet assure
myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by 
any means possible, except getting off his back."
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing
himself.                   - Leo Tolstoy
I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of
pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you
that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic
globule. Consequently, my family pride is something inconceivable. I
can't help it. I was born sneering.
                - Pooh-Bah, "The Mikado"
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
"Trace your pedigree back far enough, you may find that you are 
an omelet of surprising ingredients." - George F. Will
"Race is a term weighed down by the history of European imperialism 
and the pseudo-scientific hierarchization of people of different skin 
colours that was used to rationalize it. Race is unquestionably an 
imprecise concept, and arguably an irrelevant one."
     - Margery Fee and Janice McAlpine,
       1997 Oxford Guide to Canadian English Usage
The population of the entire world in 5000 B.C., 
according to the National Population Council, was five million.
/earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can.
"I know you believe you understand
what you think I said, but I'm not
sure you realize that what you heard
is not what I meant." - Hiyakawa
Moose: a North American variety of rubber-nosed swamp-donkey.
"Tout comprendre, c'est tout pardonner." - Anatole France
Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
                    - Anatole France 
"Murder is a crime. Describing murder is not.
Sex is not a crime. Describing sex is." - Gershon Legman
The Southern Baptist Convention has issued Sunday school lessons on how gays 
and lesbians can change. We can change. I've been much happier since I stopped 
being a Baptist.
      - Fran Bailey in a letter to the editor of the 
	Des Moines Register, 8 February, 1999
"Interesting, isn't it, that the Pope drives around in a car with bulletproof 
glass in the window.  Jesus Christ never wore nail-proof gloves, though, did 
he?" - John Dowie
Christianity Debunked in One Paragraph

If you don't believe Adam and Eve were real people who actually fell from
grace by eating the forbidden fruit, then the entire Bible after the first
chapter of Genesis is irrelevant to you in terms of damnation and
salvation.  If there's no Adam, there's no original sin.  If there's no
original sin, there's no need for a redeemer.  Period. The end. But...if
you're a Christian who does believe the Genesis account of original sin,
then you also believe that mankind is tainted as a direct result of Adam's
fall from grace. We're contaminated by sin regardless of our consent or
our belief.  Enter Jesus.  He supposedly was crucified to save us.  If our
contamination via Adam was passive -- it happened regardless of our
consent or our belief -- then to set the scales of eternal justice in
balance again, musn't Jesus' redemption also be passive?  Shouldn't his
sacrifice cancel out all sin -- whether we consent to it or not and
whether we believe it or not? To argue otherwise is to say that God has
condemned us unconditionally but has made redemption conditional. The
implication of the Christian argument is that Adam's original sin was
superior to Jesus' sacrifice, because Adam's fall condemned us all whereas
Jesus' redemption can only save some of us. Wasn't Jesus' death greater
than (or at least equal to) Adam's mistake?  If the crucifixion and
resurrection trumped original sin, then the debt for all sin is paid for
all time, regardless of our consent, regardless of our belief, regardless
of our faith. There is no need to be a Christian to benefit from
forgiveness of sin, just as there is no need to be a Christian to inherit
Adam's sinful nature. Either Jesus paid all sin-debt for all time, or he
didn't. So which is it?
Sts Dominic, Francis and Ignatius of Loyola are transported back in time
and place to the Birth of Our Lord.

St Dominic, seeing the Incarnation of the Word, is sent into ecstasy.

St Francis, seeing God become a helpless child, is overcome with humility.

St Ignatius of Loyola takes St Joseph and Our Lady aside and asks "Have
you given any thought to His education?"
"There are no epidurals during a spiritual rebirth." - Larry, Dharma's father
A Jesuit was in his office smoking a cigar as he prayed the Divine Office.
His secretary noticed him smoking and asked if that was permissible.
The Jesuit responded "I don't know, I've never asked. I'll ask the Father
General tomorrow." The next day, he reported to his secretary that "I asked the
Father General, and he said, 'Of course it's okay to pray while you smoke!'"
What is similar about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders? 

Well, they were both founded by Spaniards, St. Dominic for the Dominicans,
and St. Ignatius of Loyola for the Jesuits. They were also both founded to
combat heresy: the Dominicans to fight the Albigensians, and the Jesuits
to fight the Protestants.

What is different about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?

Well, have you met any Albigensians lately? 
Karl Rahner, Hans Kung and Pope Benedict XVI (Joseph Ratzinger) all
die on the same day, and go to meet St. Peter to know their fate.

St. Peter approaches the three of them, and tells them that he will
interview each of them to discuss their views on various issues.

He then points at Rahner and says "Karl! In my office..." After four
hours, the door opens, and Rahner comes stumbling out of St. Peter's
office. He is highly distraught, and is mumbling things like "Oh God,
that was the hardest thing I've ever done! How could I have been so
wrong! So sorry... Never knew..." He stumbles off into Heaven, a
testament to the mercy of Our God.

St. Peter follows him out, and sticks his finger in Kung's direction
and "Hans! You're next..." After eight hours, the door opens, and Kung
comes out, barely able to stand. He is near collapse with weakness and
a crushed spirit. He, too, is mumbling things like "Oh God, that was
the hardest thing I've ever done! How could I have been so wrong! So
sorry... Never knew..." He stumbles off into Heaven, a testament to
the mercy of Our God.

Lastly, St. Peter, emerging from his office, says to Pope Benedict
XVI, "Joseph! Your turn..."

TWELVE HOURS LATER, St. Peter stumbles out the door, apparently
exhausted, saying "Oh God, that's the hardest thing I've ever
"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals, and
362 admonishments to heterosexuals.  It's not that God doesn't
love heterosexuals.  It's just that they need more supervision."
                              - Lynn Lavner
"FTPing from a filesystem you can mount is like having phone sex with
a girl you're in bed with."
        - Nate (quoted in the plan of
"If you can't communicate clearly in writing, perhaps the Internet is
not the best place for you, eh?"
                        - Barb MacRae
"Having a prince albert means never having to lose your car keys again."
 - boy brent ( (gay stuff) or
"This product not intended for use by personnel incapable of
understanding the manual."
          - boy brent (
"Innuendo always trumps buzzwords."
 - Frank Ruscica (
Merely corroborative detail, intended to give artistic verisimilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative.
― W.S. Gilbert, The Mikado 
"One does not have freedom if anyone (especially a large
Organization) has power over one, no matter how benevolently,
tolerantly and permissively that power may be exercised. It
is important not to confuse freedom with mere permissiveness."
    - FC (quoted by ausman@soda.CSUA.Berkeley.EDU in a Soda MOTD)
"Attempts to control the use of encryption technology are wrong in
principle, unworkable in practice, and damaging to the long term economic
value of the information networks."
                  - UK Labour Party
"The best way to predict the future is to engineer it."
 - from the .sig of Peter Gardner (
"The goal of sexual repression is to produce an individual who is
adjusted to the authoritarian order and will submit to it in
spite of all misery and degradation."
   - Wilhelm Reich, _Mass Psychology of Fascism_ (a book which the
     US Food and Drug Administration burned a number of copies of)
“A book is a mirror: if an ape looks into it an apostle is hardly likely to look out.”
― Georg Christoph Lichtenberg, Sudelbücher.
"Control of the dissemination of information (or misinformation)
is one of the principal sources of political power. Political
power is what the discussion of the Internet is really about, not
home-made bombs or pornography."
      - Michael Goldsby, letter to Communications of the ACM, Nov 95
The essence of creative swearing can be boiled down to three little words: 
profluence, hydraulicostatics and suppuration.
"The Internet is a powerful example of free speech and the free market
in action; it is curious that the Net has alarmed the lawmakers of a
nation founded on those principles."
                        - Denise Caruso
Back in the good ol' days of the Internet, men were men, women were women,
all computers ran Unix, and the Web seemed like a good idea.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Our company does not discriminate on the basis of race, sex, age, or 
religion.... unless the religions are bizarre and unpopular and can be 
considered cults (and so may be freely discriminated against), or you are a 
short, fat, bald, ugly guy (and can be picked on without restraint), or are a 
nerd, smoker, or single person. Stupid people may now also be discriminated 
against due to the failure of their lobbying efforts. 
                   - Scott Adams 
It is better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.
"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we all believe that we are above average drivers.
                   - Anonymous
"Unfortunately, the crud passed off as 'Operating Systems' for
90% of the desktop market (including W95) basically spread
their legs and scream INFECT ME! CRASH ME! CORRUPT ME!"
          - Walt Buehring (
Windows XP on the Internet amounts to a car parked in a bad part of town,
with the doors unlocked, the key in the ignition and a Post-It note on
the dashboard saying, "Please don't steal this." 
 - Rob Pegoraro, The Washington Post, Sunday, August 24, 2003; Page F07
There is no patch for human carelessness.
Wenn ist das Nunstrück git und Slotermeyer? 
Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.
                - Monty Python
"I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on tape somewhere."
                   - Hemant Shah (
"Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam
possit materiari?"
"You better tell me what extortion means or I'll beat the crap out of you."
"You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty."
 - Sacha Guitry
Champagne to your real friends.
Real pain to your sham friends. 
May you live as long as you want to 
and want to as long as you live.

To friends near, and friends dear, and friends far away...
Thank God. 
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; 
and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve!"
                    - Bilbo Baggins
"Some people like to understand what they believe in, while others like to
believe in what they understand."     - Stanislaw J. Lec
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket? 
"Have you ever seen the United States take the blame for anything?"
            - Mel Lastman on the hydro outage
"Toronto as a city carries out the idea of Canada as a country. 
It is a calculated crime both against the aspirations of the soul
and the affection of the heart."
                 - Aleister Crowley
"There are 500,000 people airborne at any one time. A drifting airborne city, the size of Helsinki, a few meters tall, threaded around [the] globe." - Dan Hill
If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell,
I'd sell the plantation and go home.
                - Eugene P. Gallagher
"Why don't you take your tiny mittens and a thermometer to hell and wait for a
sign that it's your turn?" - Alice the Engineer, Dilbert
"Montreal loves weed! Montreal also loves theatrical Genesis cover
bands, faux-felt jester hats, poutine and drawstring Guatemalan
pants. You draw the correlation."  - The Montreal Mirror
I carry Montreal with me wherever I go.  I have a chunk of poutine in
my arteries. - Marta Chaves
Frustrate a Frenchman, he will drink himself to death; 
an Irishman, he will die of angry hypertension; 
a Dane, he will shoot himself; 
an American, he will get drunk, shoot you, 
then establish a million dollar aid programme for your relatives. 
Then he will die of an ulcer.
                   - S. A. Rudin, Canadian psychologist 
"Nodding the head does not row the boat." - Irish Proverb
What do you call an Irish man bouncing off the walls?

Rick O'Shea
There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build
bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce
bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."  - Rich Cook
No one is more condescending than one True Believer 
making fun of another one.
"How do you steam clams? Make fun of their religion."
         - Johnny Carson, stand-up monologue on NBC's "The Tonight Show" 
Loi de Porquet-Rugova: Pour que les non-violents soient entendus, 
il faut d'abord du sang. 
There's so much comedy on television. 
Does that cause comedy in the streets? 
          - Dick Cavett 
Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
              - Ann Landers
"Pok pok pok, P'kok!" - Superchicken
"Sometimes you earn more by doing jobs that pay nothing."
 - Todd Ruthman
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."
             - Arthur C. Clarke, Technology and the Future 
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
                  - Rich Kulawiec 
Any sufficiently advanced stupidity is indistinguisheable from malice.
"We love because it's the only true adventure."
   - Nikki Giovanni
"Censorship is more depraving and corrupting than anything
pornography can produce." 
     - Tony Smythe. Chair National Counicil for Civil liberties 
       The Observer, UK Newspaper, 1972
"And now, a superficial look at the news, brought to you by people you
wouldn't want to have lunch with, even if they were paying."
               - Nicole Hollander
sugar daddy, n.: A man who can afford to raise cain.
"If it bleeds, it leads."
     - newsroom mantra
If we are not careful, the establishment press will have us believing the 
oppressed are victimising the oppressors.
                          - Malcolm X
[The Christian Right are trying this trick right now.]
Donkeys Can Talk, People Can Fly and
There's a God-Man Named Jesus Who Lives In The Sky - 
Science and Math are all made up lies, 
by a giant old demon with a tail and red eyes.
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people that annoy
           - Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
After age 25, you're not a victim anymore - you're a volunteer.
"None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm."
          - Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
                - Eleanor Roosevelt 
If sometimes you feel yourself little, useless, offended and depressed,
always remember that you were once the fastest and most victorious sperm
in your group. - anon of ibid
"Science is an attempt, largely successful, to understand the world, to get a
grip on things, to get hold of ourselves, to steer a safe course. 
Microbiology and meteorology now explain what only a few centuries ago was 
considered sufficient cause to burn women to death."
                  - Carl Sagan, The Demon-Haunted World
"Auntie, to what do you credit your advanced age and stout health?"
"Good honest clean living... And I try to have one martini a day.
An olive a day keeps the doctor away."
                      - Auntie Diluvia
"Bones heal, chicks dig scars, pain is temporary, glory is forever." - Evel Kneival
I like to have a Martini
Two at the very most -
After three I'm under the table,
After four I'm under my host.
          - Dorothy Parker
This .sig has been prayed over and may be used as a point of contact
(see Acts 19:12)
P.O.R.Q.U.E.T.: Positronic Observational Replicant Qualified for 
Ultimate Exploration and Troubleshooting
"For old actors, just remember that inside you're only 14. Acting is for kids.
It's only kids who really know how to act. You poor old grown-ups, 
you've forgotten how to do what kids know automatically." - Sir Ian McKellan
"Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care!"
"Love of fame is the last thing even the wise give up."
                    - Tacitus (55 - 120 AD)
To do the same thing over and over is not only boredom; it is to
be controlled by rather than to control what you do.
     - Herakleitos
Not I but the world says it: All is one.
     - Herakleitos
If your cloak was a gift, I appreciate it; if it was a loan, I'm
not through with it yet.
     - Diogenes
We have complicated every simple gift of the gods.
     - Diogenes
I pissed on the man who called me a dog. Why was he so surprised?
     - Diogenes
I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just.
     - Thomas Jefferson
If God lived on earth, people would knock out all his windows.
     - Yiddish saying
We're going to have to shit or get off the fan.
    Gerould Smith, at a meeting of the ANSI BASIC standards committee,
    ca. 1977, reported by Guy Haas
What are we doing?! Why, we're proactively leveraging our synergies
to create a new paradigm of Total Quality Management. What does it
LOOK like we're doing?!
Bartlett's Law:  There are no technical problems in building computer
systems, just sociological problems.
    Joel Bartlett
You can't make a centipede by gluing ants together.
    Greg Titus, 1985
If you don't believe it's correct before you start testing, what
could possibly convince you?
    Don Grimes, 1994
Put out fires during the daytime. Do your real work at night.
Sleep is just an addiction.
    Dieter Müller
The amount of effort necessary to achieve perfection goes exponential
as you approach it; one must settle for a position on the curve that
gives a high value/effort ratio.
    - Leonard Compagno's comment on Bob Welles' curve of effort
      versus percent completion of a project
The Roman Rule: The one who says it cannot be done should never
interrupt the one who is doing it.
     - nmtvax fortune file
A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are for.
    Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hopper
The only phrase I've ever disliked is, ``Why, we've always done it that
way.''  I always tell young people, ``Go ahead and do it (another way).
You can always apologize later.''
    Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hopper, at her retirement ceremony;
    Albuquerque Tribune, August 15, 1986
Danforth's 1st Law:  If you can't laugh with them, laugh at them.
     - Falline Danforth
Common sense isn't.
     - Carol Schaffer, May, 1983
Delicacy: that which must be eaten with the fingers to avoid
staining the fork.
     - Joe Martinic, January 20, 1983
Reality is therapy.
     - Linda Martinic, February 13, 1983
A person does not choose his fate; he only fulfills it.  He is bound
by his fate as long as he accepts the values that determine it.
     - Alexander Lowen, M.D.
When Heaven is about to confer a great office on any man, it first
exercises his mind with suffering, and his sinews and bones with
toil.  It exposes his body to hunger, and subjects him to extreme
poverty.  It confounds his undertakings.  By all these methods
it stimulates his mind, hardens his nature, and remedies his
     - Meng-Tse [Mencius]
The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be lighted.
     - Plutarch
Some people think it's an insult to the glory of their sickness
to get well. But the time poultice is no respecter of glories.
Everyone gets well if they wait around.
     - Steinbeck, ``East of Eden''
Don't resist the resistance.
     - Kathleen Welsh Luiten
If you can't cope, get stronger!
     - Falline Danforth, September 27, 1984
We shrink from change; yet is there anything that can come into
being without it?
     - Marcus Aurelius
All the talent in the world is useless without perseverance.
     - Steve Morse
If you're stuck in a painting, then stop and draw something else.
Draw a flower and put your love into that flower.  Then your powers
will come back again.
     - Pablo Picasso, ``Parade,'' October 13, 1985
For long I feared time, Lord, I who knew that it must take away
my lover's strength and my beauty. But after Pwyll died I
learned to bless it because now it had done its worst and could
only bring me nearer to him. But when I had blessed it my vision
changed, and I saw that it was a teacher as well as a destroyer.
I saw that, great as was my love and Pwyll's, I must not make a
prison of its memory, a walled place, shutting others out.  For
every walled place is truly a small place, cramping the body and
the spirit.  And every man and woman is worthy of love, and each
calls forth a love that can be given only to himself or herself,
never to another. And I remembered you, and knew that I loved
you, and by that loving I need not cease to love Pwyll. It is
hard to make it clear, that lesson.
     - Evangeline Walton, ``Song of Rhiannon,'' p. 82
Pooh's Law:  The minute you decide you're never going to find
love, it will sneak up behind you, breathe tenderly down the
back of your neck, and when you turn around, sock you in the
     - Wendy Nather
Romantic love was invented to manipulate women.
     - Jenny Holzer, ``Impact'' magazine, Albuquerque Journal,
    January 28, 1986
Truly men hate the truth; they'd liefer meet a tiger on the road.
     - Robinson Jeffers
But women are always attracted to power.  I do not think there could
ever be a conqueror so bloody that most women would not willingly
lie with him in the hope of bearing a son who would be every bit as
ferocious as the father.
     - Gore Vidal, ``Creation,'' p. 524
Psychoanalytic doctrine reveals the pig in man, a pig saddled with a
conscience; the disastrous result is that the pig is uncomfortable
beneath that pious rider, and the rider fares no better in the
situation, since his endeavor is not only to tame the pig, but also
to render it invisible.
     - Stanislaw Lem, ``His Master's Voice,'' p. 4
A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is
given the chance. - Stanislaw Lem
The common error of ordinary religious practice is to mistake the
symbol for the reality, to look at the finger pointing the way and
then to suck it for comfort rather than follow it.
     - Alan Watts, ``The Wisdom of Insecurity,'' p. 23
"You point your finger at the moon, the fool stares at your finger."
                         - Chinese proverb
Thank God for secular humanism.
     - John F. Kennedy, according to Mort Sahl
The holy word of God is on everyone's lips...but...we see almost
everyone presenting their own versions of God's word, with the sole
purpose of using religion as a pretext for making others think
as they do.
     - Baruch de Spinoza
The trouble with structured programming is that your next job is in RPG.
     - Tom Sanderson, April 21, 1985
Patience is a virtue best left to the dead, who can afford it.
     - Jack Chalker
"Wisdom is knowing what to do next; skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it."    - David Starr Jordan
A lump in the throat is worth two on the head.
     - Walt Kelly, ``Beau Pogo,'' p. 140
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
     - Jackie Mason
"Unless you're an astronaut, secret agent, vampire hunter, or all three, you're probably a sellout; screw you."
            - Maddox 2003
One can't found a novel theology on Nothing, and nothing is so secure a
foundation as a contradiction.  Look at the great successes of the
past - they say their deities are the masters of all the universes, and
yet that they require grandmothers to defend them, as if they were
children frightened by poultry. Or that the authority that punishes no
one while there exists a chance for reformation will punish everyone when
there is no possibility anyone will become the better for it.
     - Gene Wolfe, ``Shadow of the Torturer,'' pp. 62--3
All nature is but art, unknown to thee;
All chance, direction, which thou canst not see;
All discord, harmony not understood;
All partial evil, universal good;
And spite of pride, in erring reason's spite,
One truth is clear, Whatever is, is right.
        - Alexander Pope
You're a materialist, like all ignorant people.  But your materialism
doesn't make materialism true.  Don't you know that?  In the final
summing up, it is spirit and dream, thought and love and act that matter.
     - Gene Wolfe, ``Citadel of the Autarch,'' p. 81
Religion and science have always been matters of faith in something.
It is the same something.
     - Gene Wolfe, ``Citadel of the Autarch,'' pp. 134--5
-- some situations winning consist[s] of disentangling oneself.
     - Gene Wolfe, ``Citadel of the Autarch,'' p. 162
We choose - or choose not - to be alone when we decide whom we will
accept as our fellows, and whom we will reject.  Thus an eremite
in a mountain cave is in company, because the birds and coneys,
the initiates whose words live in his ``forest books,'' and the winds -
messengers of the Increate - are his companions.  Another man, living
in the midst of millions, may be alone because there are none but
enemies and victims around him.
     - Gene Wolfe, ``Citadel of the Autarch,'' p. 308
The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from
sticking to the matter at hand.
     - Lewis Thomas, ``Lives of a Cell,'' p. 112
"You're a little cracked."
"Even a little crack will let in a little light."
     - from a book about the Findhorn community
Don't force it, use a hammer.
     - 446th Bomb Group, 8th Air Force (UK)
Who was the anthropologist who thought the Ojibway believed all rocks
were alive? A chief had straightened him out: "Open your eyes," he
said, "and you'll see WHICH rocks are alive." ...American
anthropology is like virgins writing about sex.
     - Shea and Wilson, ``Illuminatus!,'' p. 494
The music industry went through such a strange stretch in 1977,
especially in this country, with the whole punk rock thing coming
about.  Punk was rebellious - and justified in that
response - but it had very little to do with music, and so it
created a highly-charged but frighteningly floundering atmosphere
that I found very, very disheartening.  Musical quality for me
has always been an important part of rock'n'roll - and winning
recognition for that has long been an uphill battle all the way.
Punk seemed like rock'n'roll utterly without the music.
     - Steve Winwood, "Musician," October 1982
You have to stop listening in categories.  The music is either
good or it's bad.
     - Duke Ellington
This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. 
This was terrible with raisins in it. - Dorothy Parker
Know the enemy
Know yourself
A thousand battles
A thousand victories
     - Mao Tse-Tung, paraphrasing Sun Tzu
I can't argue with that. I don't know what you're TALKING about.
     - Radar O'Reilly, M*A*S*H TV series
The bonds of marriage are so heavy that it takes two to carry them,
sometimes three. [Moms Mabley]  Or four, or five.... [Della Reese]
     - "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson;" the first quote is
    also attributed to Alexandre Dumas on p. 119 of Erica Jong's
    "Fear of Flying," the word "marriage" being replaced by
It's not polite to talk with your foot in your mouth.
     - David Northrop, May, 1984
There's nothing like a good man to confound a bad woman.
     - Magail Medina, May, 1984
The nice thing about having your body as your temple is, you get to
worship as you please.
     - Greg Titus, May, 1984
Knowledge of the law is no excuse.
     - Nancy Pace
The wise duck keeps his mouth shut when he smells frogs.
     - Ernest Bramah, "Kai Lung Unrolls His Mat"
Sanity is calming, but madness is more interesting.
     - John Russell
And the Ring is so heavy, Sam.  I begin to see it in my mind all the time, like a great wheel of fire.
     - Tolkien, ``Return of the King,'' p. 240
The bomb has already dropped, and we are the mutants.
     - Berkeley graffito
"Is it true God answers all questions?"
"Yes... sometimes the answer is no."
    Father Mulcahy, M*A*S*H TV series
Recursion is self-explanatory.
     - NMT graffito, via Tom Sanderson
Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected.
Carefully planned projects take four times longer to complete than expected, 
mostly because the planners expect their planning to reduce the time it takes.
Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk.
     - Henry David Thoreau
Man should rule with computers, not vice versa.
    L. J. V. Compagno
I do not fear computers.  I fear the lack of them.
    -  Isaac Asimov
Woe to him who seeks to pour oil on the waters when God has
brewed them into a gale!  Woe to him who seeks to please rather
than to appall!  Woe to him whose good name is more to him than
goodness!  Woe to him who, in this world, courts not dishonor!
     - Melville, ``Moby Dick''
Television is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
     - Ernie Kovacs
In magnificentia naturae resurget spiritus.
     - Anonymous
Fanaticism is redoubling your efforts when you have lost sight of your goal.
     - George Santayana
Would someone who runs flatworms be a disciplanarian?
     - Dave Ortiz, August 10, 1984
"Why don't you ask Dr. Bronowski?  He knows everything."
"Seems like that would take all the mystery out of life."
     - Monty Python skit
Knowledge that is not used is dangerous.
     - Sim van der Rijn
During the last century a seven-year-old boy, Harry Service, was
lost from his family's home in Manitoba and lived for two weeks
with a badger in its underground den.  When he was found he said
that the badger had brought him food several times....
     - Sally Carrighar, "Wild Heritage," p. 186
Self-restraint is indulgence of the propensity to forgo.
     - Ambrose Bierce
Tact: the ability to tell someone to go to hell and have him look forward to the trip.
     - Jayne LaPlant Frandsen
In the depths all becomes law.
     - Rainer Maria Rilke
Resolve to be always beginning - to be a beginner!
     - Rainer Maria Rilke
I hold this to be the highest task of a bond between two people:
that each shall stand guard over the solitude of the other.  For,
if it lies in the nature of indifference and of the crowd to
recognize no solitude, then love and friendship are there for the
purpose of continually providing the opportunity for solitude.
And only those are the true sharings which rhythmically interrupt
periods of deep isolation.
     - Rainer Maria Rilke
The great lie of capitalism is that human labor exists to feed the future rather than to nurture the here and now.
     - Vladimir Nabokov
The state is the great fiction by which everyone expects to live at the expense of everyone else.
     - Bastiat
We all have strength to endure the misfortunes of others.
     - Foucault
Hypocrisy is the homage vice pays to virtue.
     - Foucault
Old people like to give good advice as solace for no longer being able to provide bad examples.
     - Foucault
Argument does not teach children or the immature.  Only time and experience does that.
     - Doris Lessing
Expect everything, and the unexpected will never happen.
     - Norton Juster, ``The Phantom Tollbooth''
One man's slime is another man's penicillin.
     - G. Grossman, via Gary Schwede
"The straight tree is the first to be cut down; the well of sweet
water is the first to be exhausted.  Your aim is to embellish your
wisdom so as to startle the ignorant, and to cultivate your person
to show the unsightliness of others.  A light shines around you as
if you were carrying with you the sun and moon, and thus it is
that you do not escape calamity..."

"The perfect man does not seek to be heard of.  How is it that you
delight in doing so?"

Confucius said, "Excellent."  Thereupon he took leave of his
associates, forsook his disciples, retired to the neighborhood
of a great marsh, wore skins and haircloth, and ate acorns and
chestnuts.  He went among animals without causing any confusion
among their herds, and among birds without troubling their
movements.  Birds and beasts did not dislike him; how much less
would men do so!
    Chuang Tzu, XX.4--5
In February of 1974...I asked a Vietnamese journalist who had lost
his wife and three children in the Christmas bombing of 1972 how
he had withstood madness, living as he did under continual bombing.
``Yes, we live with fear and death,''  he replied.  ``But we do not
fear each other.  I have heard about your cities, where people live
alone with many locks on their doors, and no one is safe on the
streets at night.  Here, death can come from the sky, but we leave
our doors unlocked.  Which is worse, to hate and fear the enemy,
or to hate and fear each other?''
    ``Mother Jones'' magazine
Housework can kill you, if you do it right.
    Erma Bombeck
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly
making exciting discoveries.
    A. A. Milne
Never sweep.  After four years the dirt gets no worse.
    Quentin Crisp
Don't keep up with the Joneses.  Drag them down to your level.
    Quentin Crisp
You can grow as much corn on a crooked row as on a straight one.
    Marcel Ledbetter, fide Jerry Clower
The greatest wizard would be the one who bewitched himself to the
point of accepting his own phantasmagorias as autonomous apparitions.
Wouldn't that be our case?
People who want a sane, static, measurable world take the first aspect
of an event or person and stick to it, with an almost self-protective
obstinacy, or by a natural limitation of their imaginations.  They
do not indulge in either deepening or magnifying.
    Anais Nin, in ``D. H. Lawrence, An Unprofessional Study''
"Anybody who paints the sky green should be sterilized at once."
            - Adolf Hitler (attrib.)
There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is
translated through you into action, and because there is only one
of you in all time, this expression is unique.  And if you block
it, it will never exist through any other medium and (will) be
lost.  The world will not have it.  It is not your business to
determine how good it is; nor how valuable it is; nor how it
compares with other expressions.  It is your business to keep it
yours, clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.  You do
not even have to believe in yourself or your work.  You have to
keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you.
Keep the channel open.  No artist is pleased. There is no
satisfaction whatever at any time.  There is only a queer, divine
dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and
makes us more alive than the others.
    Martha Graham, to Agnes DeMille
One of the chief sources of cultural paranoia is the
ever-widening rift between the beliefs of people and their actual
behavior, and the tacit assumption among these same people that
this practice---this contradiction between idealism and
practice---is a normal state of affairs.
    Lionel Rubinoff, ``The pornography of power''
Paranoia is the delusion that your enemies are organised.
Gestorben ist nicht, was f\"ur ewig ruht; und mit unbekannten \"Aonen
mag sogar der Tod noch storben.
    H. P. Lovecraft
None have ever shown themselves more skillful than the Japanese in
licking off the bait of knowledge and leaving the hook of fanaticism
standing naked.
    A. L. Sadler, ``Maker of Modern Japan,'' speaking of
    Tokugawa Ieyasu's dealings with the Jesuits
Ignorance and greed are part of the evolutionary process, which is
just to say that mistakes are part of learning. There is nothing bad
about behaviors or perceptions that do not work; they simply have to
be given up and replaced by behaviors or perceptions that do work.
    Bucky Fuller
Robert Anton Wilson: What can the average man or woman do to achieve the total success of our species and stave off the dangers we've mentioned?
Buckminster Fuller:  Live with integrity.
RAW: Is that all?
BF:  It is both necessary and sufficient.
A small amount of power corrupts a small man absolutely.  A little knowledge is dangerous to a little man.  To a great man only great
knowledge is dangerous.
    Leonard Compagno, June 2, 1981
When you write, you can hide behind your words.  When you talk, you are up front, like the clown in the midway booth; and passersby
can bean you with a ball.
    Willard R. Espy, ``Say it My Way''
I'll not only retract any comment anyone finds offensive, but also deny under oath ever having said it.
    Tom Lehrer
We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon. - Dr. Konrad Adenauer
Climate is what you expect, weather is what you get.
    Robert Heinlein, ``Notebooks of Lazarus Long''
Three moves equals a fire.
    Pioneer saying about moving one's belongings
[The First Amendment] means at least this: neither a state nor
the Federal Government can...pass laws which aid one religion,
aid all religions, or prefer one religion over another. Neither
can [they] force nor influence a person to go to or remain away
from church against his will or force him to profess a belief or
disbelief in any religion.
    Justice Hugo Black, quoted in Gore Vidal, ``The Second
    American Revolution,'' p. 231
Eighty-eight percent of all people are mental cases.
    Edward Matama, a Xhosa friend of Leonard Compagno's
Three rules for managers: open up your territory; assume you will make mistakes; always complain upwards, not downwards.
    John Cleese
"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."  - Lily Tomlin
White's Rule:  The magnitude of any non-trivial task can only be known
after the information has ceased to be of any practical value.
    Brent White
There are very few problems in computer science that are not susceptible
to brute force.
    Ed Runnion; paraphrased by Tom Sanderson
Sometimes I feel like a fodderless cannon.
    George Starbuck
Every calculation based on experience elsewhere fails in New Mexico.
    Lew Wallace
Tools may limit the user, but the utility of tools is limited by the skill of the user.
    Leonard Compagno, letter of February 27, 1984
Humility is the hallmark of the experienced programmer.
    Brent White; collected September 26, 1984
A man becomes what he does.
    J. Madison Wheeler, quoted in ``Blue Highways''
    by William Least Heat-Moon
There are as many strata at different levels of life as there are
leaves in a book.  When on the higher levels we can remember the lower
levels, but when on the lower we cannot remember the higher.
    Henry David Thoreau
No two persons ever read the same book. - Edmund Wilson
Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
Long books, when read, are usually overpraised, because the reader wishes to convince others and himself that he has not wasted his time.
"Ever since I can remember, I've had memories." - Colin Mochre
All rising to great place is by a winding stair.
    Sir Francis Bacon
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
"After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one." - Cato the Elder 
Tom Knight and the Lisp Machine

A novice was trying to fix a broken Lisp machine by turning the power off and on.

Knight, seeing what the student was doing, spoke sternly: “You cannot fix a machine by just power-cycling it with no understanding of what is going wrong.”

Knight turned the machine off and on.

The machine worked.

[Maybe Knight knew about capacitor drain.]
Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. - T.S. Eliot
"If the radiance of a thousand suns were to burst at once into the sky
that would be like the splendor of the Mighty One... 
I am become Death, the Shatterer of Worlds."
        - J. Robert Oppenheimer, quoting "The Bhagavad Gita"
	to descibe witnessing the first nuclear bomb testing, 1945